| Message from the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio
August is upon us, and I almost have the taxes
ready to send to the IRS for GROWW.
We don’t have to file because we are so small, but we continue
to file them so they can be seen at the Guidestar website.
It usually takes several months for the IRS to send copies
to them though. GROWW received
$5,696.71 and had expenses of $5,095.95 leaving us with a positive
in the checking account of $600.76 to start this fiscal year that
began May 1, 2005.
Thank you to all that have donated and helped
GROWW to continue to go on. Every
penny is appreciated.
There are been so many new members lately that
I would like to take the time here to give some idea’s that I’ve
read about journaling. It
often helps so many. For
those of you who may be interested in journaling, here are some
suggestions that you might think are helpful to get you started
and give you some ideas.
You may find it helpful to clarify your thoughts
about your loved one by recording your feelings in the form of
a letter. Write a letter to the person who died, expressing
your thoughts and feelings about the following issues:
- A
special memory that I have about you
- What
I miss most about you and our relationship
- What
I wish I’d said or hadn’t said
- What
I’ve had the hardest time dealing with
- Special
ways I have for keeping my memories of you alive.
Choose one or several ideas that have meaning
for you. You may start
at the top of the list and work your way down.
These topics may serve to help you come up with your own
idea specific to your situation and relationship.
You can also keep a diary that talks to your loved one;
tell them what you did that day if you’ve accomplished something
they would be proud of. It will help you feel better. Some day in the future you can read it again
and see just how far you’ve come and how you have grieved and
are making progress, no matter how small.
Just take one step at a time.
Until next month, Good Grief
AnneGD
Message from the Director of Branches - Libby Morningstar
Happy
August to all. Hard to believe we have reached this time
of year so fast. I know for me I wait and wait for summer
to get here and all of a sudden it is over. This month I
wanted to give you an update on the Michigan Gathering.
We did have a wonderful time in July at Frankenmuth. The
weather cooperated and the friendship was special. We even
had a beautiful wedding preformed by the Mayor of Frankenmuth....Congrats
Jay and Shelia.
The committee has decided that we will not be
having a gathering here next year. We realize that people
need and would like to visit other places and while the time and
location is perfect we feel it is time to say goodbye for now.
NOW for the real purpose of my article this month.
Because of the Michigan Gathering, we have been able to donate
monies to GROWW. This year with closing our bank account
and our raffle (thanks to the donations) we were able to turn
over to GROWW $1,201.00. IF you don't know, I would like
to share that GROWW does not ask for monies, but money is necessary
to keep GROWW an active site. The are web fees and chat
room fees that I am sure no one ever really thinks about. MY
friends we need to think about this. That income will have
to be made up some how. I would ask that you think
about hosting a gathering, or donating so that GROWW can continue
to help others as they have helped you. Again, if you don't
know....no one associated with GROWW receives any monies.....WE
are a total volunteer organization. WE NEED YOUR
HELP to keep GROWW alive for the future. IF YOU KNOW OF
ANY GRANTS THAT GROWW COULD QUALIFY FOR please let Anne know.
Until next month I wish you well
Libby
Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio
Hi Guyz. August already, sheesh I could have sworn that I just
finished the January article. Anyways, they tell me that ya can’t
teach an old, I mean an experienced, dog new tricks. Well, I beg
to differ. Anne always tells me I never hear her when she talks
to me. I always hear her but sometimes I just don’t listen.
I’ve been around the block, and I have learned some stuff. I
don’t think that this is the list that has been going around the
net for the past 20 years. Well maybe a few.
∙ I've learned that artificial
intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
∙ I've learned that you shouldn't
compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you
think.
∙ I’ve learned never to take
a laxative and a sleeping pill.
∙
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we
are celebrities.
∙ I've learned that one good
turn gets most of the blankets.
∙ I've learned age is a very
high price to pay for maturity.
∙ I've learned that 99% of the
time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids
did it.
∙ I’ve learned to always eat
desert first, this way you will have room for it.
∙ I've learned that the people
you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all
the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains
in the butt are permanent.
∙ I’ve learned if you had to
identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved,
and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
∙ I’ve learned to never lick
a steak knife.
∙ I’ve learned that when God,
who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides
to deliver a message to humanity, he will not use, as His messenger,
a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
∙ I’ve learned that since I’ve
been living in the south I can’t find a diner that will make me
grits Parmesan.
∙ I’ve learned that people will
forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people
will never forget how you made them feel.
∙ I’ve
learned that as you get older, the more complicated things get.
It's almost therapeutic to be doing simple things with the kids.
∙ I’ve
learned not to give a hoot about an actor's opinion on politics
or a “film critics” opinion on a movie I haven’t seen.
∙ I’ve
learned that the old days were the old days, and they were great
days. But now is now.
∙ I’ve learned that I still have
a lot to learn.
See ya next month.
Guest Column:
No article this month.
Poetry by Members (submitted by Marla):
HUGS
By Marla
Hugs are for giving affection to another.
Hugs have much meaning carried with them.
Hugs can be a forgiveness action.
Hugs are there for the taking and giving.
For the one who means much to you,
They’re for conveying a “Thank You.”
The special and saddened hugs
received
For several days after the shocking news
Were generous, heartfelt, and truly
Meant more than anything else.
Those were necessary hugs….for without them
The tears would bring more emptiness
Already magnified by the loss.
Hugs give me a warming feeling.
The kind that speaks
to me through the heart and warm arms.
Squeeze hugs embracing who you love are the truest.
Though the more intense hug,
Along with the subliminal message,
“I love you.
I care for you”
May be purposely
left unsaid, hopefully imagining
The huggee definitely knows what’s meant by that special squeeze,
And lets me know how genuine that hug is,
And the feeling
left………………as I leave.
Then there are some of the best hugs
That surprise from out of the blue,
That wonderful hug that hasn’t felt familiar
In years and now,
you’re matching that warm
Hug from a long lost friend,
Or from a previous co-worker that had left you
both
Going in opposite directions long ago.
But hugs are few and too far
between
In particular, since my loved one is gone
And he was capable of the old-fashioned bear hug
The kind that enveloped everything in me
And felt the best and passionate and affectionately
Mellow, at times……….
Could also be so tender and intense in what’s
in that hug.
I miss those frequent hugs and the feelings behind
them,
More and more as the empty days and nights without
them
Leave me yearning for a goodnight hug saying,
“I love you.”
All the missed, empty heartened, absent warm
arms around me
Sorrowful, nostalgic and hope for a hug in my
dreaming.
However, I will always miss him and his hugging
capabilities….
And being gone leaves heart wrenching empty arms
Searching for something similar with grunts and
warmness.
There are no detectable arms such as the ones
I received-
Not in this “lifetime.”
April 5, 2004
Host Interview by Pat Sirni – (PatS): GRHostDoyle
I’m Doyle, aka GRHostDoyle. My full name is Coleman
Doyle Alldredge. I was
born in Shreveport, Louisiana, the second child of four. I live just a few miles south of Clarence,
Louisiana in the NW part of the state. I moved here with my family in 1965 from
Morgan City, Louisiana.
I live here with my wife and two sons. My oldest son now resides in heaven. Shirley and I have been married for thirty
years. We married on her
dad’s birthday on December 27, 1974.
Yancy Doyle was born in 1981 and Casey Boyd in 1988.
Yancy was a big baby weighing in at ten pounds,
four ounces. His heart
was as big as he was. He
was always looking out for those less fortunate than he.
When he started school, he often came home with different
clothes on because some one didn’t have nice school clothes.
He was this way all through his life.
Yancy had many talents. He played in the band,
played football, and sometimes wrote.
He liked to hunt and fish. He liked the fishing best. He was into video games, especially wrestling
games. He was saving up
to go to WWF wrestling school in Georgia when his life was cut
short.
Casey is sixteen. Nothing like Yancy, but enjoys
playing video games and also playing football.
He enjoys hunting and fishing also.
He is a big time sports fan. Casey took Yancy’s death very
hard. The last time they were together was on
the weekend of his birthday. Yancy
died two days later. Yancy
was very protective of his brother.
We have four dogs.
Tequila is a female glass eyed cur. She was Yancy’s dog. He took her from a family who abused her
as a puppy. She has an
“I don’t care” attitude.
Hank is a male part Australian Shepard, part
Blue Heeler - Yancy’s dog too.
He was abandoned at a house during a flood and Yancy brought
him home. He is a very good watch dog but too friendly.
Next is Jack Daniel, the male offspring of Tequila and
Hank. This is Shirley’s
pup. He is very active
and loves to be played with. My
dog’s name is Dusty. He
is a dachshund. Yancy bought
this dog on lay-away before he was born.
He gave it to me a month before he died as an early Christmas
present. He is a house dog and very spoiled.
I am a maintenance supervisor for a government
housing authority. I and
my co-worker take care of three complexes - a total of ninety-two
houses. This keeps us busy for sure. I have had this job for three years. Before this job, I was lead millwright at
a cottonseed processing plant.
I worked there seventeen years.
They closed the plant the day before my birthday - great
present.
In my spare time, I work on my family genealogy
or just surf the net. On
weekends, I work around the house but mostly goof off.
I like to fish and hunt also.
I’m very active in my church. I like working with the children. I was teaching a pre-school class but now
do children’s church. I
go to children’s church camp on my vacation each year.
My wife says I’m nothing but a big kid.
Yancy died on November 12, 2002, in Monroe, Louisiana.
He had moved there four months prior.
He was living with one of my wife’s brothers.
He was working for a tree service.
On the morning of his death, he told my brother-in-law
his chest was hurting but went on to work.
After arriving and working a while, his chest began to
hurt worse. He left to go to the doctor.
In route, he got behind a slow moving car.
He started passing the car.
There was a semi-truck coming in the other direction, but
he had plenty of time to pass the car and get back in his lane. The couple said as he passed them, they
saw him slump over the wheel.
He never tried to get back over.
The semi driver went to the shoulder trying to miss him,
but Yancy’s truck struck the semi’s trailer bumper flipping Yancy’s
truck. Yancy was pronounced DOA at the scene.
We believe he either passed out or died at the wheel.
His death was listed as trauma to the head.
After the funeral, we were told by some of his
friends and cousins that he had told them he would die young in
a car wreck. He also had told Casey how he would like
his funeral done and what kind of stone he would like to have. All was done as he wished.
My wife found GROWW first. Her dad had taken his life just six months
before Yancy’s death. After
his death, she started attending the Heavenly Angels chat room. I would watch her sometimes but never got
on. I didn’t want to talk
to anyone on line or at home.
I kept my grief to myself.
This in itself was causing family problems.
Shirley would tell me about some of the people she had
met at GROWW, and how they understood what she/we were going through.
She always asked me to visit the GROWW site and Heavenly
Angels room. Finally one
day, I did. Didn’t stay long, but I went. Then I went back and met HAHostMaggie and
GRHostJay. Jay and I kind
of bonded. Then I met GRHostCharliebug,
and I began to visit more. Before
long, I was opening up and things began to change at home.
In 2004, Maggie asked me if I would consider
being a host for GROWW. I
turned her down quickly. I
didn’t think I could do it and was afraid to do so.
What could I say to help anyone with their grief?
Over the next year, I became more involved with
the Heavenly Angels room. I
met so many friends and we shared, loved, cried, and even laughed
sometimes. I became a regular visitor to the room.
In March of 2005, HAHost Maggie invited me once
again to become a host. After
discussing it with my family, I decided to accept the invite. On April 15, 2005, I became a host for GROWW,
hosting in the Heavenly Angels room.
I chose to be a host because I would not be where I am
today without the support of the hosts and friends I’ve met in
the two years I’ve been coming to GROWW.
I thank God for not giving up on me as I had
on him. I thank God for
Judy Divers who made GROWW possible for parents like me.
Not forgetting the hosts who give of their time and support
while also dealing with their grief also the many guests who visit
who support one another.
I often tell people about GROWW. How this site can give support to anyone
with any type of loss and the grief they are experiencing. There is a room for everyone and the staff
and hosts are great. No
matter what room I’ve been to, I’ve always felt welcomed by the
hosts and guests. The GROWW
family is now part of my family.
It is a comfort zone when I feel so down and hurting.
I pray I can give to others as a host as they have given
to me.
Thank you,
Doyle Alldredge
Recipe of the month: Chicken
And Broccoli Casserole
Use a 13x9 casserole dish - bake at 325 degrees
for 35-45 minutes
2-3 Cups Cooked Chopped Chicken
10 ounce package of Chopped Broccoli, cook as directed
1 Cup Hellmann’s Mayo
1 Cup Milk (2 % ok)
1 Can Cream of Chicken Soup
1 Cup Grated Mild Cheddar Cheese
1 Envelope Prepared Chicken Stove Top Stuffing
Mix the Mayo, Soup and Milk together
Layer Chicken And Broccoli in pan
Pour soup mixture over Chicken and Broccoli
sprinkle Cheese on top
Then add cooked Stuffing Mixture over top
I always sprinkle just a little more cheese on
top
Cover with foil
Bake 'til bubbly, usually about 40 minutes
Remove Foil last 10-15 minutes to brown top
If you would like to submit a
guest column, recipe, or poem for publication in this newsletter,
please send your submission to newsletter@groww.org
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