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Message from the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio
I can’t believe summer is almost over. School has
already started back in Georgia. Last year I remember writing and asking
everyone to try to remember to be grateful for what you have and to not
complain about the amount of money you paid for the clothes or waking them
in the morning. I always think of the people whose kids aren’t going to be
on the bus this year, let’s keep them in our thoughts as we begin a new
school year. Let’s remember to really pay attention when we’re driving and
always stop for the school buses.
I hope you all did something fun for you this summer, if
not fun, maybe something positive to help you to understand your new
life. Those of you have been coming here for a while know that the gut
wrenching pain does get less painful as time goes on, it turns into an ache
in your heart instead of the constant throbbing that you have at first.
Support groups can be a wonderful way to venture out
again for the first time, in most cases you will meet other people like
you, sometimes you need to try one or two before you find the one that is
right for you. For some people the group thing just doesn’t work and
that’s ok too, some need GROWW and a support group, some only need GROWW,
some will find a support group is all they need.
ON a lighter note, I attended the Michigan Gathering
again this year and got to meet lots of old and new friends, I truly
believe if you are ever able to attend one to meet the people you have been
talking to in chat, it would be worthwhile. My personal thoughts are you
should have passed the year mark, but this is not true for all, only YOU
know how you are doing and when you are ready.
Phil and I attended a wedding last weekend in Syracuse and saw some old GROWW friends who have moved on, you may remember Susan aka
Susbrat and Mike aka Jake, they tied the knot on August 1st 2004. I am always crying at these weddings, good thing Phil was an usher so I didn’t
have to listen to him make fun of me.
Take good care of yourselves and lets all try to
remember to think before we type.
Till next month,
Good Grief
Anne
Message from the Director of Branches - Libby Morningstar
It is August already and where has the time gone this
year? Isn't this the phrase you will hear sometimes? In
grief, time can feel like an eternity. When we are new to our
grief we hear that word TIME and we hear the words that "with
time" our grief can get easier. I am here to tell you that is
very true. We must go through our grief to get through it. When
my husband died and the nights got so long I decided to see what was on the
Internet. It was early winter of 1998. I had never been to
a chat room before when I found GROWW. I made friends
here and they made me feel so welcomed. I realized I was not
alone. All those feelings I was having were
normal. Well let me tell you to think I was normal was a very
good thing.....lol. GROWW has so much to offer those in
grief. We have our message boards, our email to heaven, and
our chat rooms. People do understand your feelings no matter how many
times you tell the same stories. A wonderful place to learn that
smiling and maybe even laughing again is all part of the healing
process.....a place of hope for your future. GROWW is here for
you...and one day maybe when you are stronger you can give back to our
newbies. Until next month be good to YOU.
Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio
Hi Guyz, I
found this article in one of Anne’s AARP magazines I’d like to share with
you it’s about some common Myths about Grief.
"When do you think the family will get over
it?" "Death is really just a part of life." The language
surrounding death never sounds adequate, because there are many things we
assume about death and mourning.
Myth 1: Mourning has an ending point.
It doesn't. It requires work. It does get better. It does become
manageable. But the experience changes us as well. A favorite song can
still bring a moment of sadness. Seeing a couple stroll through a park can
bring a tear or two as you remember how it used to be. Mourning is a
natural and personal process that only you can pace. It cannot be rushed
and it cannot happen without your participation.
Myth 2:
Grief is like an illness, there's a cure. Grief has certain
recognizable symptoms some people incorrectly consider signs of illness.
That, coupled with your great wish to stop the pain or hurry the grieving
process, can prompt you to turn to medications for help in coping,
sleeping, and carrying on. Grief is not an illness. It does not happen just
to you. While many widowed persons, especially women, say that they were
offered prescription medication following the death of their spouses, most
felt the drugs only delayed them from facing their pain. If you find
yourself looking forward to the next pill, you may need help.
Myth 3:
We shouldn't speak of the dead. Many times, we avoid mentioning
the deceased's name, because we don't want to cause undue pain to the
griever. Actually, quite the opposite is true. Sharing memories and even
talking about what the deceased might think about the current moment —
"there's too much garlic", "what an amazing game" —
let's everyone know the person is remembered and still loved.
Myth 4:
You don't need counseling. Counseling is not a sign of weakness.
Just as we may seek help and guidance from an accountant or attorney for
financial or legal matters, it is often beneficial to seek help from a
counselor who specializes in grief and loss. Others may prefer to be with
other people who have experienced a similar loss. Support groups for
widowed men and women are available in many communities.
Sound familiar? I was thinking about making
a laminated card with these and giving it to the next person who tells
someone who has experienced a loss to “Get over it” but that’s just me. See
ya next month.
Guest Column: Paul McCutcheon
"Letting Go"
Many years have passed since I was thrust into this
journey of grief my life a soul now travels. Two of my son's, Darren and
Paul, ages, 7 and 4, reached their heavenly home on Sept' 13th, 1978 after
being swept into a creek by a flash flood and drown. My oldest son, Kevin,
developed a brain aneurysm and went to be with his brothers on Nov. 19th, 1996.
In 1995 my elderly mother passed away with God receiving
her with open arms. Just prior to Kevin's illness my elderly father was
reunited with his wife of 60 years with the Lords blessing.
Great pain has wracked my heart and mind with an
increase in feelings of emptiness with each passing. It seemed as though as
soon as I was learning to cope after one tragic event, another came my way.
I cannot even say how many times I have been asked how
it is possible for me to be cheerful, always appearing to be happy and
content with my life. My answer to this is Jesus loves me and lives within
my heart and soul and I have never let go of my children, nor my parents.
I have been told, by well meaning friends, I need to let
go in order to rid myself of so much pain and grief. How do you let go of
someone who is a part of your very being? There are "things" you
can let go of in life you seem to have strong feelings for. Such as
material things you get attached to. But I refuse to let go of strength
gained by love that binds ones heart to another. Not only does love bind the
hearts but the souls as well. How do you let go of such a great and
powerful love?
I will forever hold onto the cherished moments when my
children hugged me, telling me they love me. I will always hold onto the
feeling of their touch with the sparkle of love shining in their eyes. My
heart and mind will forever remember the fun we had playing games or just
acting silly. My children's smiles and laughter are forever embedded into
my heart and mind with wondrous feelings welling up inside me, even though it
wells up through my tears. I cannot ignore these wonderful feelings God
blessed me with, Especially when I know I will, one day, be blessed by
sharing even more wonderful times with my children and my parents.
So if, one day, someone tells you to "let go",
just smile through your tears and say, " No thanks my friend, I will
forever continue to love my children.
God bless.
Poetry
Corner
You might even light my star
Crystal Ann Camery
The
light from your beauty, might even light my star. Did I ever tell you, just
how important you make me feel? Somebody, I know smiled about friendship so
real. Did I ever tell you, many,many times, when I was sad, how y our email
or your beautiful smile made me smile,in fact it makde me glad.
For the time you spent sending things and sharing whatever you found,there
are no words to Thank You, but I think you're the best thing that could
happen to anyone. Did I ever tell you, just how much you really mean to me?
Well my dearest friend, today I'am telling you I believe in you and I
believe without you I would not only miss you, but I would bemissing out on
life.
Don't be confused by friends and acquaintances, there is a difference and
honey I'll always be your special friend no matter what.
Host
Interview by Pat Sirni
GRHost PG
PG, short for PhillipGene, hosts in Groww for Widowed,
and co-manages Golden Angels, our room for those who are widowed and over
age 50. He currently lives in the Detroit area of Michigan, and is a native
mid-westerner, having moved many times in his childhood. His wife of 40
years, Barbara, passed away in June, 1999 of ovarian cancer. PG was her
primary caregiver during a long series of chemotherapy treatment.
After Barbara’s passing, Philip joined a local support
group, where he met Libby, Groww host and staff member in January 2000. He
had never been in a chatroom before. He signed into GFW as “PhillipGene”,
which was quickly shortened to “PG”. Within minutes he found himself,
“pouring out my heart to total strangers but who understood what I was
feeling. The chatroom became my salvation. A place to talk and spend the
lonely hours each evening.”
One of the Groww members that PG met was Sharon, aka
AZSharon. A project at work required that he attend a training class in Phoenix, where Sharon lived. Fellow GROWW members suggested that PG meet with Sharon and attend her local support group in Phoenix while he was there. PG says, “We were
to meet in person for the first time when I arrived in Phoenix.. Sharon had mentioned that she loved flowers, so I made a mad dash for the florist so as to
have a bouquet of flowers for her when she arrived for our first meeting.
(Smooth, huh?). By the time we said goodbye at the hotel and on the plane
the next morning, I felt like Professor Harold Hill in the MusicMan. I had
my foot caught in the door. Thus began a long-distance romance that drove
my office colleagues crazy hearing about. We were married April 7, 2001, on the ASU campus in Mesa, AZ. The reception was at the Groww gathering in
the afternoon.”
Sharon moved to Michigan and with PG joined the
Metropolitan Detroit Chorale. In 2003, they appeared at Carnegie Hall in New York City. Music is very much a part of their lives.
PG began hosting in 2000. “This has provided me with
the opportunity to give back what I received from the friends and hosts
that were in Groww at the time I needed them most. As I meet new members
hurting and suffering from their loss, I am reminded of how much I needed
someone that understands. I try to be that for others now. It is a
challenge and one that I do not take lightly. My advice to those starting
the journey through grief is to take it one day at a time, even one hour at
a time. Be sure to be kind to yourself and do not be concerned about what
others may think or say. Everyone’s loss is different but the pain in our
hearts is the same. Whatever you are feeling, it is a normal part of
grief. The challenge you face is to give yourself time to work through the
pain and find a new “normal” that feels right for you. Do not try to force
anything. Keep an open mind and heart and let things just happen.”
Groww is grateful for the many hours per week that PG
and Sharon volunteer as hosts.
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