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Message from the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio
I know this is a very tough time of year for so many of
you. Please take care of yourselves and reach out to others. I ask that
each and every one of us think back to their first day at GROWW. Please
try to treat all members the way you were treated or the way you wished you
had been treated. Sometimes when people come here for a long time, they
tend to lose some of their compassion and caring. I don’t want that to
happen. Let’s all try to remember someone may come across as a problem in
the chat room and everyone bombards this person. Lets try to slow down the
process and get them to explain why they here before we overreact. We’ve
all done it before, but let’s try to remember we are all working on
adrenalin, probably just waiting to get the holidays done so you won’t have
to deal with them, stressed to max and ready to flip out at any given
moment. Let’s ALL take a deep breath and sit back and say to ourselves,
OK, we are people helping people, friends helping friends, then type.
Time does help to heal and we all heal differently and
in our own time frame. Some people never heal, that is sad, but some
people do grieve much longer then others and that’s ok too. That’s where
the compassion and understanding come in: let’s try NOT to judge others.
If you don’t agree with someone you can state your opinion, but do any of
us have a right to tell someone they are wrong? I don’t think so. None of
us know more then another person. We all grieve, share and heal
differently. That’s what is so wonderful about this group. Someone has
been right where you are now, or is right there with you, or been through
it and can SHARE their experience. I don’t think any one of us can tell
each other what is right or wrong. That’s why we say there is no right or
wrong way to grieve, there is only YOUR way.
I’m keeping it short this month. I still have lots to
get done and the time is just flying by.
I wish all of you and your families and friends a very
happy Holiday Season and a better 2006.
Grief Recovery will be open all day Christmas Days and
Hosted as much as possible for those of you who need to lean on us that
day.
Until next year, Good Grief
Anne GD
PS: A great way to help GROWW that won’t cost you a
penny is to join igive and put us in as your favorite charity, a portion of
the purchases you make with stores that participate help GROWW. Go to www.igive.com
Message from the Director of Branches - Libby Morningstar
As I prepare for the hustle and bustle of the holiday
season, I am reminded that I didn’t always enjoy this time of year. You
see not only is it the holidays, but it is also my birthday month as well
as John’s. My first holiday was really tough. I didn’t have GROWW and I
struggled with how I was going to do this. Well I forced myself to have the
holidays with planning to have my staff over that year to make me get my
home ready.
In February of 1998 I found GROWW and I found a new
family who understood my pain. That year the holidays were a little hard,
but I had my friends here and we spent our time together.
Everyone is different and your grieving is different so
our advice at GROWW is to take care of YOU. Do what you need to do or not
do for YOU. My heart goes out to our new friends, who are new and raw to
their grief. Know that we are here for you. We may be at a different
place in our grief, but we do remember and we do care.
Until next month take it one step at a time, at on
second at a time if necessary. This is doable I promise.
Libby
Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio
Well gang another year passes. Some of us have moved
on, others have stayed put and some have even done both. This is a rough
stretch of the year for a lot of us. I found an article by Alan Wolfelt,
PhD*. Called Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season. For those
who have not seen it, enjoy. For those who have it’s worth a re-read.
¨You
Are Not Alone-Holidays are often difficult for anyone
who has experienced the death of someone loved. Rather than being times of
family togetherness, sharing and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings
of sadness, loss and emptiness.
¨Love
Does Not End With Death-Since love does not end with
death, holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief — a feeling
of loss unlike that experienced in the routine of daily living. Society
encourages you to join in the holiday spirit, but all around you the
sounds, sights and smells trigger memories of the one you love who has
died. No simple guidelines exist that will take away the hurt you are
feeling. We hope, however, the following suggestions will help you better
cope with your grief during this joyful, yet painful, time of the year. As
you read through this brochure, remember that by being tolerant and
compassionate with yourself, you will continue to heal in your personal
grief experience.
¨Talk
About Your Grief-During the holiday season; don't be
afraid to express your feelings of grief. Ignoring your grief won't make
the pain go away and talking about it openly often makes you feel better.
Find caring friends and relatives who will listen — without judging you.
They will help make you feel understood.
¨Be
Tolerant Of Your Physical Or Psychological Limits-Feelings
of loss will probably leave you fatigued. Your low energy level may
naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you.
And lower your own expectations about being at your peak during the holiday
season.
¨Eliminate
Unnecessary Stress-You may already feel stressed, so
don't overextend yourself. Avoid isolating yourself, but be sure to
recognize the need to have special time for yourself. Realize also that
merely "keeping busy" won't distract you from your grief, but may
actually increase stress and postpone the need to talk out thoughts and
feelings related to your grief.
¨Be
With Supportive, Comforting People-Identify those
friends and relatives who understand that the holiday season can increase
your sense of loss and who will allow you to talk openly about your
feelings. Find those persons who encourage you to be yourself and accept
your feelings — both happy and sad.
¨Mention
the Name of the Person Who Has Died-Include the
person's name in your holiday conversation. If you are able to talk
candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your need to remember
that special person who was an important part of your life.
¨Do
What Is Right for You During the Holidays-Well-meaning friends and family often try to
prescribe what is good for you during the holidays. Instead of
going along with their plans, focus on what you want to do. Discuss
your wishes with a caring, trusted friend. Talking about these
wishes will help you clarify what it is you want to do during the holidays.
As you become aware of your needs, share them with your friends and
family.
¨Plan
Ahead For Family Gatherings-Decide, which family
traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin
following the death of someone loved. Structure your holiday time.
This will help you anticipate activities, rather than just reacting to
whatever happens. Getting caught off guard can create feelings of
panic, fear and anxiety during the time of the year when your feelings of
grief are already heightened. As you make your plans, however,
leave room to change them if you feel it is appropriate.
¨Embrace
Your Treasure Of Memories-Memories are one of the best
legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. And holidays
always make you think about times past. Instead of ignoring these
memories, share them with your family and friends. Keep in mind
that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness. If your
memories bring laughter, smile. If your memories bring sadness,
then it's all right to cry. Memories that were made in love — no
one can ever take them away from you.
¨Renew
Your Resources For Living-Spend time thinking about the
meaning and purpose of your life. The death of someone loved
created opportunities for taking inventory of your life — past, present and
future. The combination of a holiday and a loss naturally results
in looking inward and assessing your individual situation. Make the
best use of this time to define the positive things in life that surround
you.
¨Express
Your Faith-During the holidays, you may find a renewed
sense of faith or discover a new set of beliefs. Associate with
people who understand and respect your need to talk about these beliefs.
If your faith is important, you may want to attend a holiday service
or special religious ceremony.
As You
Approach the Holidays, Remember: Grief is Both a Necessity and a Privilege-It
comes as a result of giving and receiving love. Don't let anyone
take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient with
yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring
people.
*Dr. Alan Wolfelt is a noted author, educator and
practicing grief counselor. He serves as Director of the Center for
Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado, and presents more than
100 grief-related workshops each year across North America. Among
his many publications are the books "The Journey Through Grief,"
"Healing Your Grieving Heart," "Understanding Grief: Helping
Yourself Heal," "Healing the Bereaved Child" and
"Creating Meaningful Funeral Ceremonies."
Guest Column:
No Guest Column this month. To submit one, write to newsletter@GROWW.org
Poetry by Members (submitted by
GRHostTomF):
Life is but a crystal vase………
Through one act or many, life was shattered.....
Now as I pick up the pieces, I let time help me put it
back together again.....
I will never be the same, but I will be whole again. In
accepting what I can not change...
I do find peace. The pieces may not all fit back
together or be as they once were......
But they form a new me....
A me that is whole.
-Author unknown
Host Interview by Pat
Sirni – (PatS):
This month, instead of a host interview, I am
re-publishing part of a column from the April 2004 newsletter. We can
never be reminded often enough that our wonderful family of hosts is
responsible for keeping Groww the caring site that it is. You, as members,
have a responsibility to your hosts as well. They deserve your respect at
all times.
Here is the column as it appeared previously:
Hugs to all. This month instead of interviewing
one of our hosts, I thought I would take some time to talk to you about our
hosts and hosting in general.
GROWW hosts are a very special group of people.
They volunteer their time, often many, many hours per week. Their
mission is to give back to you what was given to them: love, understanding
and guidance on the path to healing from loss. They are your hosts,
but always remember that they were, and are, members first. They too
have their rollercoaster days, their ups and downs on this path that we
walk together. While they are further down the path than many of you,
they never forget the reason why they are here, the reason that brought
them to GROWW and to the commitment that they have made as hosts.
Many have asked how we choose our hosts.
Basically, we observe a member's interaction in the chatrooms.
We look for those who are well into their grief process, who have been
visiting with us for many months, and who show compassion and understanding
for others in the room. We look for people who offer encouragement
and love to others. It takes a very special person to be a GROWW
host, and staff is committed to inviting only those who demonstrate all of
those qualities to join our family of hosts. After we invite someone
to host, we send them a Promise Letter, which they are required to sign and
return.
Respect of others in the chatroom is very
important. Our hosts respect every member, acknowledge their losses
and their pain, and commit to maintaining a safe and healthy chatroom
environment. Many times, in a crowded chatroom, a host will focus on
a newcomer. We ask that our membership be supportive of what the host
is doing, and always remember that we strive to make the newcomer
feel welcome and to allow them time to share their pain. A host is
also trying to get to know the newcomer, because unfortunately, this is the
Internet and we do have people join us for reasons that are not
appropriate. Experience has taught our hosts warning signs and they will
spend a little bit more time assessing the validity in some cases.
Please remember that they are doing this to keep GROWW the safe and
supportive place that it is. We understand that you as members want
to support the newcomer as well, but we do ask that you not take that
person into private chat until they have been visiting with us for
awhile. If you receive an unsolicited private chat, please report it
to Staff@Groww.org.
One last thought on how you as members can help out a
host. The chatrooms can become very busy at times, especially the main
room, Grief Recovery. It is very difficult to host a crowded room and focus
on those who need some immediate TLC and support. We understand that many
of you have made some wonderful friendships here and that you come to the
room to share fellowship with your friends. When it is really busy,
remember that you can chat with a friend using either the private chat
option or any of the available Messenger services to have a light hearted
conversation with a friend.
Recipe of the month (Submitted by Patti Brown):
Ham Loaf
1 lb. cured ground ham
1 lb. lean ground beef or pork
2/3 c. oatmeal or cracker crumbs
1/3 c. Minute tapioca
1/4 c. 2% milk
2 eggs
Dressing:
1/2 c. water
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 Tbs. mustard
1/4 c. vinegar
Mix loaf ingredients and form into a loaf. Boil dressing
a few minutes. Pour over loaf and bake at 350 degrees for about 2 hours,
basting occasionally. Dressing should become thick and syrup-like.
If
you would like to submit a guest column, recipe, or poem for publication in
this newsletter, please send your submission to newsletter@groww.org
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