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Editor
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Pat
Sirni
Associate
Editor
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Angela
Dyer
Newsletter
Staff
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Lori
Petersen
GROWW
Officers
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Anne
D’Ambrosio, Executive Director
GROWW
Staff
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Libby
Morningstar, Director of Branches
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Pat
Sirni, Grief Recovery Room Manager
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Rachel
Frank,
WebMistress
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Phil
D’Ambrosio, Director of Security
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Message from the Executive Director
- Anne D’Ambrosio
February is here; spring is getting closer. I, for one, am
sick of the long dark nights and can’t wait to see the
sun be out when I come home from work.
First, I would like to thank those of you who read the newsletter
last month and made donations to GROWW, we received approximately
$400.00. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
On a more serious note, I would like to remind all of you
at this time to please be careful when in ANY chat room, we
try to keep GROWW as safe as possible but there will always
be people who come in to prey on vulnerable people. Please,
if you get an unsolicited pc from anyone and the conversation
is something other then grief, PLEASE write to staff@groww.org.
If you have an email address for the person and a screen name,
it would really be helpful to us. You can mention it to a
Host, but that doesn’t mean we will get the information.
We can’t look into any of these matters unless staff
knows about it. Never EVER send money to another member no
matter what, no matter how sad their story is! THIS is not
acceptable at GROWW. If we find someone is in pc privately
trying to solicit money from a member that person will be
banned from GROWW. We often feel bad for people, but we cannot
allow solicitation in any of the chat rooms. Please don’t
ask for monetary help, and please don’t volunteer to
send people money. We always try to err on the side of caution.
Better safe then sorry. Please be very careful.
On a lighter note, I would like to Welcome DonC and Marilyn
as Assistant Managers for our GR room. They spend countless
hours in GR and are truly compassionate and caring. They have
taken on a big responsibility and have not entered into it
lightly. They are available during the day and if you have
a problem, you can bring it to their attention and they will
let us know.
We also have 3 new GR Hosts who have recently started Hosting
in GR. Please welcome NanE, Floyd and Kirby to our family
of Host’s.
Until next month, Good Grief
AnneGD
Message from the Director of Branches - Libby Morningstar
No article this month.
Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio
Whenever I’m pressed for time, like the day before
the deadline for GROWW newsletter articles are due, I close
my eyes and type something in the window of whatever search
engine I am currently using. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Anne is shaking
her head slowly side to side muttering something about he’s
once again found some more totally insignificant gibberish.
I tell her if one person gets something out of it, well they
are warped as I am…….
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little
Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. Hmm, maybe that’s
why Bill moved to Washington. In Wichita, it is illegal to
carry a concealed bean snapper. I’ll make sure I leave
that home next trip. In New Hampshire, it is illegal to sell
the clothes one is wearing to pay off a gambling debt - phew
glad this isn’t a law in Nevada as well! In New York
City, it is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another
on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the
tip of his nose, at the same time extending and wiggling the
fingers of his hand. Ok, so that explains the overcrowding
in the prison system. In Memphis, it is illegal for a woman
to drive by herself; a man must walk or run in front of the
vehicle waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians
and motorists, I’m not gonna comment on that one. In
Alabama, it is illegal to play dominos on Sunday, but it’s
ok to order a pizza from ‘em. In Texas, A recently passed
anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24
hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain
the nature of the crime to be committed. Now why didn’t
we think of that!
In South Carolina, every citizen is obliged to carry his
gun to church, praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Missouri
considers drunkenness an "inalienable right." While
children may purchase shotguns in Kansas City, they are not
allowed to buy toy cap guns. In Quitman Georgia, it is illegal
for a chicken to cross a road, which would explain why in
one state at least, we don’t have to ask that question.
Folks these are laws still on the books across the country,
even I couldn’t make these up. Well, maybe one or two
but, I’ll never tell. See ya next month,
Guest Column: Sandra Shocket
After my husband and son died suddenly within 24 hours, I
felt as if my life too had ended. The help I received from
loyal supporters helped me find my way as I slowly developed
a life of my own. After a few years, I decided to write a
book to help others who might have experienced multiple losses.
It was difficult to define multiple loss, as well as to find
people whose experience was similar to mine
In 1998, when I was writing the book, the Internet was not
the force it is now; but after some searching, I found GROWW.
I felt as though I had opened a door into a vast room of those
who have survived tragedy and there was a chair waiting for
me. Individuals were seeking advice as well as helping one
another. Here were people whose losses were like mine, and
some were much worse. The stories made me weep. I needed interviews
and quotes for my book but, at the time, except for chat rooms,
there was no way to communicate directly with others and conversation
in the chat rooms was confidential.
I e-mailed Judy Divers, the founder of GROWW, told her about
my book and asked if I could post a notice on GROWW asking
people to e-mail me if they were willing to share their stories
for a book. I believe that I was the first to do so but Judy
agreed. The response was overwhelming. Within a short period
of time, I received more than 25 responses. Some helped me
not only with the book but with my life. They gave me the
confidence I had lost when my family members died. They encouraged
me to continue, and to tell their stories which they hoped
would help others.
My book, My Life Closed Twice: Surviving a Double Loss came
out in 2003. I have just completed a new edition in 2004.
I will always be grateful to Judy and the people who were
so generous with their stories. Their e-mail addresses are
long gone from my address book and most did not give me their
names, but if anyone who contributed recognizes my name or
e-mail address please contact me and I would be happy to send
you a free book. Sandra Schocket, sschocket@att.net.
I would be happy to send a book to GROWW for your library
or for review in your newsletter. Please let me know where
to send it. (The book is also available through GROWW, Amazon.com,
and bookstores.) Thank you very much for your interest.
Guest Column: Carla Blowey
“Journaling the Dream Journey ”
by Carla Blowey
Dreaming Kevin: The Path To Healing is the story of my spiritual
journey after my son’s death, and how I used dreams
as a tool for healing that inconceivable loss and the intense
grief that followed. When Kevin died at age 5 in a bike truck
accident, I lost my precious child. In that moment, I also
lost my identity, my purpose for living, and my future.
This January will mark the fourteenth anniversary of Kevin’s
passing, the pain and blessings of being a bereaved mother,
and the challenges of rebuilding my life. Even now, grief
stabs at the heart and sharpens the memory by bringing the
most painful images and details into focus. However, writing
about this life-defining experience has been therapeutic,
offering insights, perspective, and healing, which helped
me to reclaim my life, my purpose for living, and my future.
Facing the New Year and the anniversary of Kevin’s
passing in the same week is more about an ongoing reconciliation
with myself than making shallow resolutions that will be broken
the next day. In the beginning years, the anticipation of
both was unbearable; and by the time the seventh of January
arrived, I was an emotional wreck. Now, I dedicate this month
as a time to reassess my progress. I pull out the treasure
box containing my journals from these past fourteen years
and review the dreams of the past year. As I peruse the pages,
it is reassuring to know that there were moments of profound
truth and clarity that dissolved the haze of doubt and fear,
challenging me to see the grief issues, personal obstacles,
and myself differently. Invariably, I see growth, and I offer
a prayer of thanksgiving for these volumes of truth.
Before Kevin died, I had been keeping a private journal and
a separate dream journal from the time that I was sixteen
years old. I accumulated stacks of notebooks containing private
accounts of my life, my dreams, and my goals. Everything I
had ever written about my life in those journals seemed like
a fairy tale in contrast to the nightmare I was living in
the aftermath of his death.
After Kevin died, and I began dreaming him, I recorded the
dreams I had about him because I wanted to preserve those
moments of ‘clarity’. The only reality I understood
was my inner world because it was there that I could see Kevin--
he was alive and whole illuminated by the grace of God. It
was the only place where dreams came true.
Understandably, I only wanted to feel the joy of being in
Kevin’s presence, rather than be reminded of the life
without my son. The grief dreams conveyed the inner chaos
and the excruciating pain of a broken heart. More dreams pointed
to personal issues that existed before the loss and complicated
the process of grieving.
Yes, it was difficult to read the most painful thoughts and
feelings I had ever experienced described with such honesty
and depth. I came to recognize the healing power of all of
my dreams, good, or bad, when I began to understand my personal
symbols and how they related to me. Dreaming in metaphor and
symbols is the soul’s way of presenting the most profound
truths about ourselves in a way that we can assimilate. My
soul was crying out to be healed and it needed my help. With
time, I could safely step into the pages of the past, yet
stay grounded enough to work through the issue with discernment
and prayer. As I became more skilled at interpreting my dreams
and journaling, I applied this method to dreams about other
aspects of my life, such as illness, career choices, and relationships.
Twenty volumes of notebooks and six years later, I discovered
an interesting phenomenon had occurred. The two types of journals
had merged into one becoming an intimate narrative of my inner
life. When I began writing the manuscript for Dreaming Kevin,
I researched my own story with those same journals filled
with my personal history and soul-searching essays.
Journaling your dream journey is a gift you can give yourself
that can be opened again and again. The good news is that
you can start anytime and all you need is pen and paper. Don’t
fret about dreams you cannot remember or struggle to describe
the tiniest detail. Simply begin by recording what you feel
upon waking or jot down one or two words that come to mind.
The easiest dreams to record will most probably be about visiting
with your deceased loved one or child! In time, you will train
your waking self and certain details in the dream will trigger
your memory. Your dream journal will expand as your observations
become more specific and your note taking becomes more detailed.
Healing will become apparent when you can see beyond the illusions
and the dream is no longer fearful but enlightening.
Copyright 2004Carla Blowey, bereaved mother and author of
Dreaming Kevin: The Path To Healing
To learn more about Dreaming Kevin visit www.dreamingkevin.com
or contact Carla at Carla@dreamingkevin.com
Poetry by members (Sharon Langan):
Suicide Aftermath
To some, the pain of living, becomes too much to bear.
She chose to end her life, but that doesn't mean she didn't
care.
The Blanket of Depression shrouds the mind in misery,
And suffocating blackness is all that she could see.
Please know, though you are grieving, there was nothing you
could do.
She chose this way to end HER pain, NOT to escape from you.
Let the tears wash away your anger, allow your aching heart
to grieve,
Keep your memories of the good times... then set her Spirit
free.
Host Interview by Pat Sirni – (PatS):
I have to apologize for not having a host interview this month.
Between packing up my New York home and unpacking here in
Florida, I kept reminding myself that time was getting away
from me and I needed to find a host to interview. Just didn't
happen. So, since I am a host, I decided to tell you a little
about me!
I am writing this on the 5th anniversary of the death of my
husband. The day that I thought my life had ended as well.
But, with the love and support of my children and my family
here at Groww, I have managed to live on and find a new happiness
in my life. My life was forever changed 5 years ago, but it
is possible to move on. You will never forget, but you can
learn and find a new normal. I know that many of you who are
new to grief don't believe that, because I didn't believe
it at first either.
Groww is here for all of us. I stay on hoping to give back
just a little of the love and support that I received here.
Thanks to Jim, Anne, Phil, Rachel, Libby, Barby, Limey, Cece,
Ted, Sharon, PG, and JohnB, and countless others who kept
reminding me that I could survive, I have made it. It hasn't
always been a smooth journey, but I have learned a lot along
the way. We can't run from our pain, but with time, tears
and talking, we can cope with it.
I hope that all of you can be strong enough and find the courage
to move on. Remind yourselves that you were loved, and that
person would want you to be happy again. Come to our chat
rooms when you need a helping hand, we will be there for you.
Recipe of the month:
Tortellini with Pesto
Pesto:
1 cup basil leaves
1/3 cup olive oil
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
(or you can make it easy by using store bought pesto)
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1 pound cheese tortellini
Combine all ingredients in a food processor to make the pesto.
Blend until smooth.
Cook the tortellini according to the package directions. Toss
with pesto and serve.
If you would like to submit a recipe or poem for publication
in this newsletter, please send your submission to newsletter@groww.org
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in the Subject Line. For questions about this Newsletter or
to submit an article, email newsletter@groww.org
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