| |
GROWW E-Mail Newsletter |
|
|
14 January 2004 |
Circulation: 769 |
Volume
2, Number 3 |
|
Editor ·
Pat Sirni Associate Editor
Margot Hill Newsletter Staff ·
Angela Dyer ·
Lori Petersen GROWW Officers ·
Anne D’Ambrosio, Executive
Director GROWW Staff ·
·
Pat Sirni, Grief Recovery Room Manager ·
Rachel Frank, Message Board Manager ·
Phil D’Ambrosio, Director
of Security |
Message from the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio Happy
New Year to each and every one of you, may this year
bring you some peace of mind and peace of soul. I hope you can find the compassion and
companionship you need at this point in your life. Main
Entry: com·pas·sion Synonyms
SYMPATHY
2, empathy, fellow feeling I have
to admit the past couple of months have been pretty trying for me. I have asked myself a lot questions, ok
mostly 1 question why, why me, why here, why our chat rooms. We work very hard here to keep GROWW a
safe, caring, friendly and compassionate place. As of late, I have seen people become
friends, which I often would think, wow, this is great, some of my best
friends are right here at GROWW, real friends. I try never to lose sight of WHY I come to
the chat room, to meet the “newbie” to help them see there is Hope for them
SOMEDAY, not today, not tomorrow not even next month, but someday. THAT is the only promise I will ever make
to anyone who joins us, SOMEDAY it will get better IF we WANT it to. Yes, we have to make a conscious decision
that it will get better, this is the hardest job you
will ever have. I wonder how many
times I have typed that into a chat room!
A lot I’m sure. As some
of you may know, we’ve have some not so friendly attacks made on GROWW
members and or the chat room, both on
the message boards and in the chat rooms.
This will NOT be tolerated, why, because I am selfish, I want people
to be treated fairly, I want EVERYONE (who has lost a loved one) to be
treated with dignity and respect. I’m
not the school principal who will reprimand the class, that’s NOT what I’m
here for. I’m here to make sure we all
get treated fairly. I want the newbie
to write to me that when they entered a room they were greeted warmly and NOT
blown off by the crew who have become friends and aren’t in the “mood” to
help someone feel welcomed and listen to them share the feelings that are so
fresh and raw and literally breaking their heart. If that is what you want we are thrilled
(it means you’re healing), but that is NOT what the main chat rooms are
for. We have 2 rooms for that, we want
you to laugh and share and cry, but remember the newbie is the most important
member. If you are there just to chat
with your friends go to HomeGrowwn, that’s what its
there for, specifically for fun and commeradity... http://www.groww.org/homegrowwn.htm,
do YOU remember seeing that in the room, please help us help others by
knowing when you should go there. pc in there also
works. We know you still grieve but it
may not be fresh so there may be days that you can’t help someone or yourself and you need to keep it light, please keep this
in mind. Just as you in your own life
never hear the good you’ve done, the same is true for here. I rarely get a letter from someone telling
me what a great room someone entered into and how glad they are they found
us, but I do receive plenty of complaints about the rooms, the Host (who ARE
members first), the people, the topic etc.
One other note, if you are there when a problem “member” enters the
room, please LET the Host’s take care of it, don’t inject that it’s ok for
the person to stay or contradict the Host.
Our Host’s have all been trained to see potential problems and are
better equipped to deal with the problem. As we
begin a New Year could we all try to remember the meanings of the word
compassion and that is the reason GROWW exists to help people grieve so they
can have HOPE that they will not always feel as bad as they do right now. Let’s all make 2004 a great GROWW success
year and practice sharing with our fellow members. Until
next month, Good Grief. AnneGD Meet Your Host – GRHostHal Interview
by
Hal has been hosting in GR and GFW since July
2001. He first found the site in the fall of 2000, several months after
the sudden loss of his wife, Carol. He did a search using the words
"grief recovery" because he felt he really needed to talk to
someone about what he was feeling. He had endured the first six months
of his grief alone and says he was in a fog, nothing seemed real. So he
looked for help. He says that the first time he logged into a room it
scared him that everyone in the room responded to him, so he just logged
off. "I guess I didn't expect the reception I got. After I
came back in and started to let go with my feelings, I became very accustomed
to GROWW. I had found a place where people understood what I was going
thru. I have never forgotten my first experience in GROWW. This
has been a special place for me". Hal is employed as a Senior Technical Engineer,
helping his company's customers with technical issues pertaining to the
telephone systems that they sell. He travels to customer sites to help
install or to investigate and correct errors in the phone systems. It
was through his company that he met his new wife, Barbara, who is a shipping
and receiving supervisor there. Their combined family includes four
grown children, and seven grandchildren. Hal says that re-marrying has
been wonderful for him. He has a very loving wife who has not tried to
make him forget Carol. She understands that he will honor Carol's
memory and that there is a piece of his heart and mind that is reserved only
for Carol. Barbara and Hal were married in June 2002 and reside in Hal feels that talking to people who have been
thru a loss was very helpful. None of his closest friends had
experienced the death of a loved one. Friends tried to be considerate
of his feelings, but only those who have gone thru a loss can understand how
deep the emotion of grief can be. He found that people in GROWW
understand and he was able to talk about Carol's death. He says that
talking about it gave him the strength to move on. I asked Hal has advice to someone just starting
to walk this path. He says " Do
grieve. Let your emotions come to the surface and let them out.
Do not hold them inside, because it will eat you up. This I know
because I did hold them inside until I found GROWW. Take each day one
at a time, and do not rush into any decisions that you make". As so many others have, Hal recommends attending
GROWW gatherings. The first gathering that he attended was the Poconos, May 2001. He says "That was very
special for me, it let me know that I could have
fun, and not feel guilty about it. After all, we are still human, and
we cannot grieve all the time". Message from the Director of Branches - Welcome
to GROWW and welcome to year 2004.
It's my job to let you know the different branches we offer within
GROWW. It's a new year so I will start
by saying we are here for you. Within
GROWW we offer chat rooms, message boards, email to heaven, and reference
site. It seems each day as sad as it
is, we are welcoming new members to GROWW.
They are hurting, feeling like no one understands their pain, maybe
thinking they are the only one with this pain, but they soon learn we are
many. Please
take the time to check out GROWW as a site.
On the left side of the main page is the Chat Index and Site Map. By clicking on this you can get a full
picture of GROWW and all it has to offer.
GROWW offers a main chatroom Grief Recovery
that is there for all who grieve and wish to chat. GROWW also has specialty rooms for those grieving
the lost of spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends. Also, rooms that deal with the unexpected
death (sudden), a very difficult room dealing with death from drugs/alcohol
just to name a few. Each specialty
room also offers a message board. For
some they may not wish to actually enter a chatroom
but still would like to share their pain and have others respond. Finally, there is a host section for each
person you volunteers as a host for each specific room. You can read their bio and learn a little
about what brought them to our family. Where
ever your comfort level leads you, always know someone understands your
pain. What you will find in a very
short time coming to GROWW is very caring people. We are the best of friends helping friends through
a most difficult time. Guest
Column – A Blessing in Disguise “A
Blessing in Disguise” Carla
Blowey, author Dreaming Kevin: The Path To Healing Copyright 2004
Dreaming Kevin
My journey began almost thirteen years ago with a
precognitive dream predicting the death of my five-year-old son, Kevin. Less
than twelve hours after the dream, my son lay unconscious, bleeding to death
on the snow-packed street at the foot of our neighbor’s driveway. While I had
been in the house making dinner, Kevin was struck down and driven over by a
truck as he rode his bike on the sidewalk past our neighbor’s home. In that
moment, Kevin died in my arms and with him went my life too. In the days that followed,
frightening images from the Nightmare attacked my sanity and held me captive
whether I was asleep or awake. Consumed by guilt, I believed I had lost my chance to
heed its warning and save my son. As my journey began, grief took its toll on
my body, my mind and my spirit. Strangely though, within days of his death, I
began dreaming Kevin. With each passing night, I longed to dream him again
for there was no doubt that the wonderful feeling of being with Kevin in my
dreams felt the same as if he were alive. Determined to find meaning and unlock
the archetypal images of the Nightmare, I summoned my courage and journeyed
to the dreamtime where I discovered that Kevin had merely transitioned from
matter to spirit and that his love for me and our family was stronger
than ever. Kevin wanted me to know he was alive and the power of his
love shattered my illusions of death. I know now that what I experienced is
called a ‘sleep-state after-death communication’--a spiritual experience that
occurs when we are sleeping and we are contacted directly and spontaneously
by a deceased family member or friend without the aid of a psychic, mediums,
rituals or devices. (Hello From Heaven! Bill & Judy Guggenheim). Initially I recorded my dreams to
preserve my ‘new’ memories of Kevin. However, I soon discovered a pattern of
dreams that mirrored the pain of our separation and reflected my chaotic
outer life fueling the persistent themes of guilt and suffering. Each night
my fears, desires and memories were intricately woven like the script for a
movie written, produced, directed and performed by me. Everything
I had believed to be true was being tested and my belief system crumbled
around me. I had entered the dark night of the soul, a place where every
bereaved mother has lived in the wake of their children's death. Ultimately,
my soul’s desire was to heal and God’s response to that was to send some
amazing companions to love and support me on the voyage. A dear friend who
was a counselor
proposed the most preposterous question a bereaved parent could ever hear. He
simply asked me if I was willing to see my son’s death differently. Mired in
my grief and clutching my pain, I was stunned and offended. How dare he ask
me such a question? Whether my eyes were opened or closed, all I could see
was my little boy’s bleeding and broken body as he lay dying in my arms. He
was dead! How could I see it any way other than the nightmare that it
was? He was suggesting that I risk giving up what I saw or thought to
be true, to make room for what I knew to be
true and only then, my healing would begin. I had a choice. I could choose to allow the nightmare and
my grief to possess me and fuel more fear and guilt or I could choose to
expose it to the light and seek the truth. The message of the Nightmare was
not a warning to save Kevin. I could not save him from his destiny. Rather
the dream was intended to prepare me for the dramatic spiritual transition
that would enable me to see differently. The Nightmare was actually a
blessing in disguise designed to heal my soul and empower my life. I invite bereaved parents to use the gift of their dreams as
a tool for reconciling the death of their child. Everything we need to know
to empower ourselves is within us. All that is required is that
we want to see it differently. Carla Blowey, author Dreaming
Kevin: The Path To Healing To read
excerpts and reviews visit: www.dreamingkevin.com To order contact Carla at carla@dreamingkevin.com Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio For
those of you who have been coming to GROWW you’ll always hear us mention the “First” word. This year Anne & I had a
first of our own, we stayed at home. Yep, no animals to board, no running
through airports, no arguing with car rental agents, no running from house to
house to make sure we leave no relative unvisited. The other word you’ll hear
a lot of in the rooms is “anticipation”. The thought of not having the
Christmas Eve feast, for those of you who are Italian know what I’m talking
about, had us bummed. Well guyz,
we survived. We decorated the house, put up the tree and I cooked. If I say
so myself it was pretty darn good. Ok, so it wasn’t
as good as Mama Catherine’s but there were no complaints. We exchanged
presents via the United Stated postal system and were one of the most stress
free holidays we have had in awhile. Another year ahead who knows what
first’s we’ll encounter. As much as we tell others to change their routine or
traditions, it wasn’t as bad as we thought it would be,
matter of fact kind of fun. You’ve read the message boards from folks who
thought they would never get through the holidays but they all did and some
even surprised themselves. Gonna keep
it short this month, see ya next month
. Happy
New, no…..Happy “First” Year Phil From the Book Nook Little Hands
by A.T. Poole I just
finished reading this book and wanted to recommend it to everyone on this web
site. After losing my son four years ago, I still find it hard to find
complete closure and an explanation for this heartbreak. When I finished this
book I looked at my son’s passing in a new light and made some sense out of
our entire ordeal. It also reminded me that his spirit is still very much
around me and he is truly my angel. The author
really pours out his heart over the complete misery of losing his child and
then the amazing discovery of his sons existence
years after his passing. Something we all have encountered through our own
stories but need reminded of sometimes. A great reflection that we all have
little angels watching over us. It reminded me
a lot of "The Christmas Box" by Richard Paul Evans but this piece
pulled at my heart strings more. I
cried through most of the book from sadness and than complete joy. A great work of non-fiction and a great
story for parents young and old. I picked it up
at Amazon.com but I'm sure you can buy it anywhere. I'm new to this group and
just wanted to share this discovery. I hope it helps. ~ Amazon.com: Book
Description Every child is
unique and holds a special place in the universe. Here is a book that revels in
the beauty and power of love from a child to be with his parents. This book
is simple yet profound in its message. This is a perfect gift for new
parents, parents to be or anyone who needs to be reminded tiny miracles still
exist. This story will give hope and healing to every individual who has
struggled with infertility or the loss of a child. It is a reminder how
miraculous and angelic children truly are. |
|
|
GROWW, INC.© Judy Divers 501(c)(3) Non-Profit EIN: 59-3445877 |
Recipes From Members Breaded
Pineapple Delight 1/2 cup butter
(do not use margarine, flavor is not the same) 1 cup sugar 4 eggs, beaten 1 6 1/2 ounce
can crushed pineapple 6 slices of
bread, I use white bread and tear into small
1" size pieces. Cream butter
and sugar until smooth and creamy. Add eggs, one
at a time. Add bread and pineapple to mixture. pour in
greased 2 quart casserole. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. May double
recipe. Recipe
submitted by John & Shirley Battley If you would
like to submit a recipe or poem for publication in this newsletter, please
send your submission to newsletter@groww.org To unsubscribe to this email click reply with
UNSUBSCRIBE in the Subject Line. For
questions about this Newsletter or to submit an article, email newsletter@groww.org
|
|
