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Message from the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio
Happy New Year to all of you! I hope you find the comfort and support
that you need this year to help you through your grieving process. There
are no time limits or rules for you: only you know how fast or slow you can
begin to heal. YOU have to do all the hard work: others can help to guide
you and lift your spirits when you are down.
I would like to take some time in this month’s column to explain how
GROWW works. We are a group of "Friends helping Friends." We
are NOT professionals, and none of us here can tell you what to do or how
to get through this. Our Hosts are all volunteers: we are no more special
than any of our members. We all got here the same way as you, by suffering
the loss of a loved one. We have no special qualifications except that we
care and have survived through our loss. This said, please remember that
no Host can give you any personal "counseling." We are NOT
counselors. If you need to talk to a counselor, we ask that you seek
professional help. There are many grief counselors out there. Try to find
one that helps you and makes you comfortable. It is often important that
you ask if they have ever lost someone. As many of you know, just because
they have taken the classes, doesn’t necessarily mean that they understand
how you feel. There is no greater resource then a counselor who has been
through what you have been through. Often a therapist is not as caring
when dealing with an individual’s grief. There are some who are because
they have lived through the death of a loved one. You will know when you
find the right one. People come to GROWW for peer support. Many times
there is no access to outside support for any number of reasons. For many
GROWW is all that any one needs to help them realize they are not alone or
crazy.
The Staff at GROWW tries to keep this a safe place, but we need YOUR
help to do this. If anyone offends you please let us know. If people
don’t come forward, our hands are tied because we aren’t aware of certain
situations going on. You can write to staff@groww.org
at anytime. Your privacy will be honored and it is not anything we make
public. We address the situation as best as we can with the information
provided by you. If there is a problem, please don’t tell another member
or a Host - 2nd and 3rd hand information does us no
good. We NEED to hear from the person. This is the only way that we can
keep GROWW safe and protected from people who may not be here for the right
reasons. GROWW is not a dating site. Our primary reason to be here is to
help you grieve. We do in many cases make "real live" friends
through GROWW, just remember that this is still the Internet and you cannot
ever be too safe. We implore you to meet people in public, have coffee at
a restaurant, and bring a friend with you. It doesn’t matter how well you
think you know someone, you still have never met in person. You are taking
a risk, one that you should not take alone. We can’t stress the importance
of protecting yourself from pain, not everything or everyone is as they
seem in type or on the phone. There are many people who are very good at
giving totally different impressions in chat, on the phone, and in person.
Wouldn’t it make you wonder if someone wanted to keep things a secret?
That should be the first red flag to go up. I don’t care if it’s a member
or a Host, we are all human. We can have different personalities. Don’t
go anywhere alone to meet an individual. If at all possible, try to arrange
to meet 2 or 3 members at the same time, and still bring a friend. Meet
for lunch or dinner. If they don’t live close by, and you really want to
meet someone, don’t go alone. Have a back up plan. Make sure you have
your own place to stay. If you are going to a GROWW gathering, I suggest
that you get your own room the first time. It may cost more, but it is
safer. You may get along great with someone in the chat rooms and on the
phone and find in person, they aren’t quite what you expected. Once you have
been to a gathering you will know who you are friends with. Some people
have made wonderful lifelong friends here through GROWW and most of us had
a back up plan even at a Gathering. They are wonderful to attend and it is
great to meet people in person. Anyone can plan a Gathering, even a
mini-gathering; are there 3 or 4 of you within a few hours of each other?
Meet for lunch on a weekend if that’s a good time for you, and again if you
have a friend with you, you can either decide to spend the night somewhere
or you will have some one to drive home with you so you aren’t freaking out
about traveling alone or in the dark.
Remember, we are here to help, but we count on our members to use common
sense and not to keep secrets. That red flag MUST go up - a member or Host
may have met with someone before and it wasn’t what they expected it would
be.
We are here for you, but you are the only one that can do the hard work
to get through the grief. We can support you and share what worked for us,
but we have no special qualifications other than experience. Hosts are no
different than members. We were all members first and still are. Hosts
have stayed on instead of leaving GROWW in order to help new people down
the grief path. They all sign a Promise Letter. One promise in particular
comes to mind - they promise not to present themselves as a spokesperson
for GROWW. None of us can tell you how great you’re doing just because we
are a Host. We as hosts and members can see how people have been able to move
down the path of grief and see progress, but you should be able to see this
in yourself.
The Staff at GROWW has been with GROWW for several years. I for one
have been coming to GROWW for over 8 years, it will be 9 years in February
since my husband died, and I have seen many GROWW members heal and leave
GROWW and some stay to help others. GROWW is here to help those new to
grief, sometimes we bond with people and hate to see them leave, but our
success is built on people healing and getting back into life. They come
back sometimes when they have that jolt or backslide, THAT is what we are
here for.
We want everyone to be able to heal as best they can, yes some heal
faster then others. We are not here to judge: we are here to share our
hope and our strength and our experience in providing support for those who
have lost a loved one.
One more note, there will be NO Newsletter next month, while we revamp
the format. If you have anything you would like to see in the NEW
Newsletter please write to Newsletter@groww.org
or Annegd@groww.org Please put
Newsletter in the subject.
Until next month, Good Grief
AnneGD
Message from the Director of Branches - Libby Morningstar
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! I know for many you are just glad
the holidays are over. If you are new to GROWW and your grief, I say you
have found a great place for support. GROWW is unique in that you will
find it is people helping people. No we are not professional grief
counselors, but we are people who have been there done that and can
honestly say with time and lots of hard work this grief is doable.
Take the time to check GROWW out. We have many
specialty chat rooms, message boards, and reference information. Our main
chat room Grief Recovery is open 24/7 when you have those times you just
can’t sleep or you need to talk to people who really do understand your
current feelings. As I am sure you noticed, not only though the holidays
but every day the world keeps going. It is our loss not theirs. WE HAVE
the right to be sad. WE HAVE the right to need to share our story. WE
HAVE the right to become just a little selfish in dealing with our grief
and think about us. WE also HAVE THE RIGHT to live again. I know for many
this is a hard thing to hear right now, but if you keep coming to GROWW you
will find compassion in your sorrow and discover that with time and lots of
hard work life. GROWW is and has always been about compassion and HOPE for
the future. Say to yourself I BELIEVE. GROWW will not lie to you. We
know there are very bad dark days, the roller coaster with the ups and
downs. We also know you can do this grief thing and you will be amazed
that first time you laugh out loud, probably at your computer screen. When
that happens just remember it, hold onto to it and know all things are
possible.
Until next month be good to you.
Libby
Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio
No column this month
Guest
Column (Submitted by Margaret Ann Wagner)::
WE CARD IDENTIFICATION
PROGRAM TO INCLUDE INHALANTS
IN MEMORY OF KEITH LAWRENCE
WAGNER - 12/12/82 -8/7/98
Project Keith
My name is Margaret Ann Wagner.; this issue involves the danger of
inhalants for all of our children.
My son Keith was killed August 7, 1998 in an auto crash in Kinnelon, N.
J. where I resided at the time. The driver of the car got high on Glade
aerosol and passed out at the wheel. Keith was a passenger and was DOA.
Keith was only 15.
Since his death I have become an Inhalant Abuse Advocate, I am a member
of the Lake Wallenpaupack Drug Task Force, a speaker at local schools and
organizations about the dangers of inhalant abuse. In 2000, I testified
before the Congress Safety Committee in Trenton, New Jersey and with
support from Senator Anthony Bucco and Assemblyman Merkt, "Keith's
Law" was incorporated into the current DUI Law making inhalants,
vapors and fumes chargeable "by evidence only." This is
particularly important since inhalant use dissipates from the blood stream
within an hour and the only other way to prove inhalant use is at autopsy.
Sadly this is the way we were informed that Keith had also been ‘huffing’.
The knowledge that Keith had been participating in this deadly practice
made me then use the slogan –
GOOD KIDS GET HIGH AND GOOD
KIDS DIE!
I am writing to ask for your help and support for you or your
organization to propose to your local governmental representative to have
inhalants included in the "We Card" identification system
already in place nationwide for alcohol and tobacco to include
identification required for the purchase of inhalants by minors under the
age of 18.
Please advise if you would be willing to present this idea for your
state and possibly be involved with the processes needed to have a nationwide
law passed to help eliminate this danger to our children. I am unable to
achieve this goal alone since I am a resident of Pennsylvania and most of
my efforts to other state representatives come back that they can only deal
with requests from residents of their district.
What is Inhalant Abuse? Inhalant abuse refers to the
deliberate inhalation or sniffing of common products found in homes and
communities with the purpose of "getting high." Inhalants are
easily accessible, legal, everyday products. There is no 'golden hour'
for resuscitation involving inhalant abuse. Inhalants deprive the brain
from a supply of oxygen when intentionally misused; they can cause death
commonly known as "Sudden Sniffing Death." Inhalant abuse
is considered a 'blind spot' for parents; while our children are quite
aware of its use and easy availability as well as being unaware of the
dangers of inhalant abuse. It is often with the first use that our children
die.
OUR CHILDREN ARE KILLING
THEMSELVES AND IT HAS TO STOP!
Inhalation is referred to as huffing, sniffing or bagging and generally
occurs through the nose or mouth. Huffing is commonly known as when
a chemically soaked rag is held to the face or stuffed in the mouth and the
substance is inhaled. Sniffing can be done directly from containers,
plastic bags, clothing or rags saturated with a substance or from the
product directly. With Bagging, substances are sprayed or deposited
into a plastic or paper bag and the vapors are inhaled. This method can
result in suffocation because a bag is placed over the individual's head,
(sometimes with added use of a tourniquet) cutting off the supply of oxygen
to the brain. After the accident reconstruction at the time of Keith's
death it was this type of inhalant abuse used by the driver of car.
Other methods used include placing inhalants on sleeves, collars, or
other items of clothing that are sniffed over a period of time. Fumes are
discharged into soda cans and inhaled from the can or balloons are filled
with nitrous oxide and the vapors are inhaled. Heating volatile substances
and inhaling the vapors emitted is another form of inhalation. Reports of
inhalant abuse among teenage girls indicate the filling lipstick containers
with butane, as well as painting of their nails with correction fluid.
One of the most common uses among teenagers today is compressed air for
cleaning computers. No parent in this computer era would be suspicious to
find a can of "Dust Off" in their child's room. All of these
methods are potentially harmful or deadly. Experts estimate that there are
several hundred deaths each year from Inhalant Abuse, although under
reporting is still a problem and unfortunately it is usually with the death
of a child that parents are becoming aware of inhalant use and abuse. The
newest craze of inhalant abuse is the act of self suffocation; our children
are putting plastic bags over their heads with the aid tourniquet to the
point of unconsciousness, to achieve a high.
There are more than 1,000 products which are potentially dangerous when
inhaled, such as typewriter correction fluid, air-conditioning coolant,
gasoline, (just with gasoline alone, any car in a parking lot offers easy
access for our children to get high and die) felt tip markers, spray paint,
air freshener, butane, cooking spray, paint, and glue. Most of these
products that can be found in the home, garage, office, school or as close
as the local convenience store. Our children can purchase an inhalant
product for as little as $1.50 (lunch money.) and without any kind of
restriction from retailers or cashiers.
Although inhalant products all post a warning label against misuse, it
is very unlikely that our children will be stopped from purchasing an
inhalant product at the retailer level. A teenager doing their parent’s
grocery shopping would more than likely be able to leave the store with at
least one inhalant product.
I can be reached at keithslaw@ltis.net
- 269 Oak Hill Road, Hawley, PA 18428. 570-685-8765. Please visit Keith's
website at www.geocities.com/Wellesly/Atrium/5833
. Another source of information is Harvey Weiss of NIPC at www.inhalants.org.
Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.
Poetry by Members (submitted by
Patti Brown):
Fathers are great with things they do
They help out with projects and comfort when we're blue.
They tell stories from when they were young
About mom's home cooking and the songs they sung.
The games that they played and the hugs from their folks
The trophies they won and their funny jokes.
How grandpa would scold them when they were bad
And give them warm hugs when they were sad.
Fathers are precious gifts from the Lord
Beholding God's beauty in so many a word.
Giving of talents learned from their dads
With a spirit of childlikeness---as when they were lads.
Fathers are indeed in need of our praise
As they give of themselves in the future days.
As we go about living our lives each day
Let's not forget the dads who showed us the way.
Host Interview by Pat
Sirni – (PatS):
No host interview this month.
Recipe of the month (Submitted by Patti Brown):
Gourmet Potatoes
Ingredients:
6 large potatoes
1/2 c. melted margarine or butter
1/4 c. chopped onion
11/2 to 2 c. shredded cheddar cheese
1 c. sour cream
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. paprika
Directions:
Cook potatoes in skins. Cool, peel and finely
shred.
In a saucepan, saute onion in butter. Do not brown.
Fold potatoes, cheese, onions and sour cream together.
Add salt and pepper.
Sprinkle with paprika.
Place in a greased casserole dish and bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.
If
you would like to submit a guest column, recipe, or poem for publication in
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