E-Mail Newsletter
january 15, 2009	January Volume 4, Number 1
	Taking Care of You Happy New Year to everyone. We hope you found our December newsletter helpful and timely. January brings us a whole new set of issues to deal with. We have had many new members join us over the past few months, some with such recent losses. It has been somewhat shocking to see how fast people are reaching out to the internet for support. Years ago, it took us months sometimes even years before we found grief support on the internet. Now it is used by so many more people and so frequently, people are finding us within days and weeks of the death of their loved ones. We even receive inquiries from those who are about to lose a loved one, this has become even more frequent in the past year. Next month will be 12 years since Michael died, my son was 5, in May he will graduate from High School and head off to College. As I look back, the first few years after Michael’s death are a blur, not the memories but how I got through it. The memories really never leave us, not mine or my son’s. No matter what choices or changes you make to your life in the future, know that your loved one is always a part of you and by moving or donating their clothes, or selling their cars or trucks, it doesn’t mean you are getting rid of the memories. The objects are not the memory, the person and the sharing and experiences you shared are the memories, those will live within your hearts forever. This month GROWW will be re-opening a room that has been closed for several years, Sibling loss, this is for the loss of brothers, sisters, best friends, cousins. Often times this group feels that their loss isn’t taken as seriously as others. With the closing of Healing after loss.org (HALO) the Hosts who ran their room that was like our Kindred Angels will be starting the room up again here at GROWW. Thank you to Gloria and Hope who have volunteered to Host the new room on Thursday evening from 8-9 pm eastern time. We have had many HALO members come to join us and we welcome you all. Hopefully you have all seen some familiar faces from HALO. Susan and Char have been visiting us whenever they get a chance. We are so glad to have them both with us; they are both wonderful women and fantastic ladies who I am proud to call my friends. I’m sure I will be seeing some more old friends come to visit us; it will be wonderful to share old memories and laughs. Time does heal, we say it over and over, some say they never heal, but you do heal, you never lose the memory but the deep pain in your heart will become a dull ache, it will not be all that you feel after time. Life can be good again if you do the work to make your life better, different, yes absolutely, how could it not, your entire life changed in an instant. Find a new hobby, make friends with an old hobby you gave up years ago, find something soothing and comforting to help the time go by. Join a support group, there are so many wonderful groups out there to make friends, meet for coffee, go to lunch or dinner with, my support group used to do dinner and a movie once a month outside of the group. We became friends and after we felt that we were taking a seat at the support group that someone else needed more then us, we continued our get-togethers, just did them in a more social setting. It was something that helped us all to grow as individuals and practice being alone and finally not lonely anymore. Winter is such a hard time for grief, snow and ice keeps people indoors and sometimes that can be depressing, especially for those of you who have just joined us on this journey. Just remember to get through this day, one breath at a time. Breathing will get easier as the time passes and your heart begins the healing process. Until next time, Good grief AnneGD@groww.org
	Introducing– Re-opening of Kindred Angels Thursdays 8-9 pm eastern time beginning 1/15/09 Hosted by GRHostGloria and GRHostHope Kindred Angels Sibling Loss The loss of a brother or a sister is not always understood to be as painful as the loss of a parent or a child. Kindred Angels is to help the brother or sister understand that their loss is just as important. A parent losing a child can be so overwrought with grief that the children are left to deal with their grief alone. Siblings often feel the guilt of being the surviving child. Their parent’s grief is so overwhelming they may feel that the love for them is not quite as strong. Remarks like "he was such a good child" might make the child feel that he was the "not so good child" The parent consumed with grief tends to forget that this child too suffered a loss but are grieving so deeply they can't focus on the remaining child. The sibling might also see their parent’s marriage suffer, perhaps even end.  This is an additional trauma to the surviving sibling.  "Don't I matter at all?"  Losing a brother or a sister is losing a part of themselves. Being together since birth, they too feel the emptiness, the loss of the family unit they have always known. They lost their playmate, someone they shared holidays and birthdays with. Someone they fought with and even struggled with the sibling rivalry of "who was the favorite". They may question why they were not the one who died and might even feel the guilt that they didn't. We hope to make this child aware that although their parents may sometimes "seem not to care" throughout this grieving period, that they are loved as much or more than they ever were. It's important for them to realize that their pain is just as real, just as devastating to them although it may not be understood by other family members or friends. They are told to "be strong for mommy and daddy", "be good now so that you don't upset them". This is telling them that they are not allowed to grieve. They may hear their parent say they can't go on because they have lost their child and they feel that they don't matter now because they are alive and it's their dead brother or sister who mean more to them. "What about me?" they think. "Don't you want to live for me?" As we help the parents to understand that their remaining children are the ones they need to live for, not to wish for death because they lost a child, we hope to help the surviving sibling to understand that their parent really does not mean this. We hope to help guide them through their grieving process until the parent can work through theirs. We help them to understand their fear that they may die as well is a normal fear, or their anger because their sibling left them is normal anger, their anger because they don't seem to matter as much to their parents, their sadness for the loss or their confusion over death is something we all feel. We try to answer the questions that they are afraid to ask. The Adult Sibling The adult sibling’s grief can be overwhelming.  We grow up and move on to our separate lives, friends and families.   The relationships change bringing you closer than ever or further apart.  When a sibling is lost the pain is compounded for the families they leave behind because they have become part of your family.  Their children might even become your responsibility.  A lifetime of memories as children who shared secrets and toys and parents, growing up and moving on to become best friends or distant friends when life takes you in different directions can be compounded with grief and regret.  Guilt might surface because you might have let too many days go by when you called or wrote.   Sharing all the mixed emotions of grief can become easier when you share them in Kindred Angels. Kindred’s Kin Loss of Cousins & Best Friends Cousins and best friends too, feel a tremendous loss.  They may not have lived in the same house or share the same parents, but there can be a love and a bond even stronger than with a sibling.   Others don't realize how losing someone who might not be a "blood relative" could affect you so strongly.  They might even have been a "part of the family" that might also fall apart when their friend or cousin passes away.   A loss of a best friend can leave a tremendous void.  We help them all, not through counseling because we are not counselors, but we let them talk to others who are going through the same thing. Members helping members by understanding each other. They learn that others can cry or feel angry or feel the guilt they may feel. We encourage them to share with each other and to know its okay to laugh too. We allow them to be who they are and to know that they are okay with who they are and what they feel. And who are they? They are Kindred Angels...... Here is the link to the room http://www.groww.org/Branches/kindred.htm For those of you with mirc the channel is #KindredAngels Poetry Corner – by Diane Feeney To all of you have been with me this past year (or longer).... Thank you. This is for us: Forever in our hearts. Always on our mind. As the New Year starts, May it be peace that we find. Another year has gone by, 12 months 52 weeks 365 days The count of how long we cry. A new year has just begun, 12 months 52 weeks 365 days The count of missing someone. Maybe this year We'll come to that place Of peace and gentleness In our grief. We'll remember the good Yet still shed our tears And find some relief From the pain we all face. 12 months 52 weeks 365 days... more. Diane Host of Angels of Addiction and Heavenly Angels An email we received thanking us J Thank you very much for the beautiful newsletter with so much content and care for people.  I am blessed to receive such wonderful information that I can use in a grief support group to stimulate some remarkable discussions. You all are making a valuable contribution to the people of America as you educate us about the difficult yet healing journey we call grief.  I have been blessed by "Try Again," and many other articles and poems. Congratulations and keep up the good work.  Best wishes for a wonderful New Year 2009. Eddie Rogers, Chaplain Hospice of the Highland Rim 1412 Trotwood Ave. Ste 5 Columbia TN. 38401 Recipe – Chicken Tetrazzini 3/4   box angel hair pasta, cooked 3  cans cream of celery soup 1  can cream of chicken soup 1 large jar mushrooms 4 baked in broth or water chicken breast. 1 jar shredded Parmesan cheese shred baked chicken, mix with soup, cooked pasta and mushrooms.  Add a little of the chicken broth if to dry. Place in baking dish and cover with generous amount of Parmesan. Can be made up to two days before and stored in fridge. Bake at 375 until brown and bubbly. Thank you to Joy (GFW) for sharing this with us. As a side note: we live near each other and Joy was sweet enough to invite us to her home, boy can she cook, it was delicious and the company was outstanding. So, it really was terrific. New book to be released in February: When God & Grief Meet Lynn Eib List Price: $12.99 Binding: Softcover Page Count: 208 Trim Size: 5 1/2 x 8 1/4 ISBN: 978-1-4143-2174-5 CPC Sub Category: Grief, Suffering, Consolation Release Date: February 2009 From the author of When God & Cancer Meet comes this powerful message for mourners. Each chapter contains inspiring real-life stories of grievers from all walks of life who have faced difficult losses. The focus of the stories is not the circumstances of how the loved ones died, but how those left behind are finding the strength to continue living without them. Written in the heartfelt, hopeful style for which Lynn Eib has become known, this book contains warm insights and true stories illustrating that God is close to the brokenhearted and can comfort and encourage those whose minds are filled with doubts and whose hearts are filled with grief. Back Cover Copy Where do you go with the heartache you can’t even put into words? Whether you have lost a loved one to a prolonged illness or to an unexpected tragedy, it helps to encounter others who have walked similar roads and faced similar questions. When God & Grief Meet offers just that: real-life stories that meet you in your sorrow and inspire you with the hope and strength to go on. Lynn Eib, a longtime patient advocate and grief support group facilitator, shares her gift of encouragement in this heartening message for mourners. You won’t find pat answers, clichés, or easy-fix formulas, but you will see that God specializes in consoling those who grieve. As Psalm 34:18 promises: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” This is the essence of When God & Grief Meet: a book that will give comfort for your present and courage for your future.
	Phil’s Corner Happy New Year Gang! Well we survived another year; see we told ya you would. Tired of making New Year’s resolutions? I’m gonna go on a diet. I’m gonna stop smoking or my favorite, I’m gonna eat healthy. Well, in my on going tradition of supplying useless Information I’ve found some real unusual ones that I’d like to share. First of all research shows that while 52% of participants in a resolution study were confident of success with their goals, only 12% actually achieved their goals, which means I fit right in the middle of the herd of 88% who do not. Dang I can’t even remember what they were by the next day. In countries like Brazil and Bolivia, residents in cities such as Sao Paulo and La Paz ring in the New Year by donning brightly colored underpants. Those who choose red are hoping for an amorous year ahead, those with yellow wish for money. Ok, I gotta ask, how do you tell who is wearing what color underwear, maybe that’s best left unanswered. As if the effects of plentiful New Year's alcohol were not disorienting enough, many Danish revelers jump off chairs at the stroke of midnight, hoping to banish bad spirits in the year ahead. Hmmm, wonder if that’s how leap year started? I’m not sure about banishing bad luck but that’s gotta hurt when the booze wears off. Well gang before I go I leave you with my 10 New Years Resolutions; 1) Gain weight - Put on 20 pounds by the end of March. 2) Watch more TV - I want to make sure I have never missed an episode Of M*A*S*H, Home Improvement or George Lopez. 3) Get less exercise – I actually do a lot of walking at work so to offset all the good I do by walking I will try to spend more time being a couch potato. 4) Do less Reading - I'll just wait for the movie, besides I’m running outta room for all the books I am almost done reading. 5) Procrastinate - Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. 6) Junk up the garage - Who cares if we can't fit the cars inside? 7) Avoid garden work - Weeds should have a chance to live, too. 8) Take up a new vice - Perhaps chewing tobacco would be fun. 9) Spend less time with my kids – With the money I save every time we take them to dinner me and Anne can actually feed ourselves.  10) Be more diversified – oh well, 9 outta 10 ain’t bad.
	If there is anything you would like to see in the Newsletter or contribute, please send it to newsletter@groww.org. Interesting articles, recipes, poetry or anything else that you found helped you and might help others. The next issue will be sent on March 15^th, until then, be safe and take care of yourself.