GROWW E-Mail Newsletter
15 July 2004	Circulation: 1080	Volume 2, Number 9
Editor Pat Sirni Associate Editor Margot Hill Newsletter Staff Angela Dyer Lori Petersen GROWW Officers Anne D'Ambrosio, Executive Director GROWW Staff Libby Morningstar, Director of Branches Pat Sirni, Grief Recovery Room Manager Rachel Frank, WebMistress Phil D'Ambrosio, Director of Security	Message from the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio  I can’t believe it’s already the middle of July.  This summer is just flying by.  I hope you have all been able to or will be able to take some time and relax this summer.  We all deserve a break, even a break from grief, it’s not easy to do, but it is worth it if you permit yourself to think about yourself and even be selfish if that is how you would look at it. Go to a spa, a beach (don’t forget the sunscreen) a cabin in the woods, whatever it is that would bring you some peace and relaxation.  Have you been meaning to go visit a friend, but havent been up to it, well, go, let your friends take care of you for a few days, let them hug you and hold you.  Cry, they may cry with you, let it out, dont keep it bottled up, your friends probably wont bring it up just in case you are doing OK at that particular moment, face it, if the shoe was on the other foot, you would think maybe theyre ok right now, If I bring it up I might make them sad.  Sometimes, WE have to bring it up ourselves, do it if it helps, we have to remember people dont know whats going through our minds and its up to us to help them help us. From the number of emails I received, there were quite a few people who did not receive a June Newsletter.  If you did not get a copy please email me at AnneGD@groww.org and I will forward one to you.  We are going to see if we can get a copy of the Newsletter posted on the site so those people who do not receive it will be able to go and look at it and so that new members can go to the website and see older Newsletters.  This may take some time so we will keep you posted and let you know when the Newsletters will be easily accessible. The Michigan Gathering is this weekend and those of us who are going are very excited to meet our new friends and to see our friends that we have met before.  There is also a gathering coming up in August for those who have lost children Only (Heavenly Angels Branch) in Niagara Falls, NY.  We will try to have the chat rooms Hosted as much as possible by those who are not able to make it to a gathering so to all you Hosts out there please check the room(s) you Host and help put if you can. I would like to ask one more thing this month, please watch those PCs, some people get upset when they get the wrong persons PC and remember PLEASE dont say anything in PC that you wouldn’tt want said in the room.  If you and someone else are having a conversation ABOUT a member, please take it outside of GROWW.  There are plenty of free Instant Messenger Services out there, please use those, NOT GROWW for private conversations. Until next monthGood Grief Anne Message from the Director of Branches - Libby Morningstar  Can you believe it is the middle of July already?  Time, that word we all grow to hate yet understand its importance to us going thorough the grief process.  You can hear people tell you with time and lots of grief work you can do this.  I am sure in the beginning of your grief you are thinking yeah right.  Well Im here to tell you it is possible and coming to GROWW you will learn to lean on us in the bad days and give to others in your good ones.   Some of my best friends are at GROWW.  I know they understand if I was to say I am having a tough time.  They are also here to celebrate my good times as well.  Grief is a hard task to master, but through the understanding and friendship of those at GROWW you can find the hope for the future.  Thats what we are about its HOPE.  This wasn't the path in our life that we chose, but what we do with it is up to us.  Keep good thoughts for all traveling to Michigan this weekend for our gathering.  May everyone have a safe trip.  Until next month remember to be good to you. Phil's Corner - Phil D'Ambrosio Phil’s Corner  A coupla hundred years ago was the birthday of this country: Independence Day - the fourth of July. But there was another birthday that we missed - a birthday that goes back 150 years. It's something we consume - up to about 6 billion dollars a year. Do you know what it is? Let me tell you about that birthday.           The birthday I'm talking about is potato chips. They were first brought to this country by Thomas Jefferson in the late 1700s. But it wasn't until the mid 1800s that potato chips were realized. It occurred in Saratoga Springs, NY. There was a famous resort there, and the Chef, Harry Crumb decided to take these potatoes; fried potatoes (French fries) that Thomas Jefferson brought from France, and make them real thin. And voila: potato chips. So it goes back 150 years. The problem with potato chips was that they were very perishable. Harold Lay (of Lay's Potato Chips) was the first in the early 1900s in Atlanta to bring them door to door. Shortly thereafter the air tight containers were invented and therefore we have potato chips to the tune of about 6 billion dollars a year.           Now the bad news. For one ounce of potato chips it's about 150 calories and 10 grams of fat. The good news? No cholesterol. That's right, there's no cholesterol in potato chips. So happy birthday to potato chips. If you want some, eat them - they're not going to kill you. Just don’t eat the whole bag, at least at one sitting.           Now what would be the perfect drink to wash down these salty delights, why beer of course. There are many stories claiming the true origins of beer. It is also a very old beverage extending back to ancient Egypt. Beer is a multi-billion dollar industry in the U.S. alone. Beer can actually be colder than water since the alcohol prevents it from freezing. Popular phrases enter the lexicon of American slang. "This buds for you." "It's Miller time." And my favorite, 'Beer... helping white guys dance since 1932!' So the next time someone asks me WWJD I will quote The Book of Proverbs which state: "Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto them that be heavy of hearts. Let him drink. And forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more."           Yeah, Yeah, Yeah I know, Anne is sitting here shaking her head. Just when ya think he cant possibly find anything else with no redeeming social value, he does. Relax and have a cold one, its hot out there. See ya next month!  Guest Column  Surviving Through Grief    by Linda Rice The death of a loved one has a powerful impact on a person's life. But the surrounding world often expects survivors to move quickly beyond their loss and to "just snap out of it. Whenever I hear that statement I nearly cringe. The grieving process takes time and everyone works through grief at their own pace. I say work because it really is. With meaningful guidelines and hope-filled explanation, it encourages those who grieve that out of their pain can come healing and peace. So many people are uneasy talking about death and dealing with the emotions that follow it. The common understanding is to tell survivors to “keep busy and don't dwell on your loss.” You may find yourself believing that. You may even doubt your own strength when you haven't quickly returned to “normal”  But believe me there is no more “normal”. You may feel as if you are making progress, but then suddenly feel worse, and without knowing what triggered it. Although upsetting, these are normal experiences for people who grieve. Remember that life will never again be exactly the way it was before your loved one died. Personally, I find it helps me to confide my feelings with my friends who have also lost a child. They more than anyone truly understand my pain. This common understanding of “don’t dwell of your loss” is wrong. All the feelings that overwhelm you when a loved one dies deserve your attention. They are important beginnings to greater awareness; about the relationship you shared, your own needs, the meaning of life and the mystery of God's love.  They do take time and sometimes even years. These beginnings are the stepping stones to your recovery. There is no way out but through. Only by letting yourself grieve can you move beyond it. Beyond -- not to your old way of being or what once was "normal"; not to denial of your hurt; not to resentment and bitterness. But beyond to fully combining your loss into your life, to richer understanding, renewed purpose, and deeper spirituality. As human beings we know and are able to control our lives: there is still so much that we do not know about human emotions, the working of the mind or the part that chance plays in our lives. As a result, we find it impossible to explain to a grieving mother or father why their son or daughter was murdered. We have, however, come to understand the experience of grief. We do know how a survivor will react when informed of the unexpected death of a loved one. When a person dies suddenly from an accident, murder or suicide, most often it is an adolescent or young adult involved. A loss of this nature upsets our sense of what is right or normal. But there really is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel after someone's death. Grief is a releasing process, a discovery process and a healing process. Several reactions begin to surface and are all a normal part of the grieving process. What can be done when the tragedy of death suddenly strikes? I think most importantly, this is a time when a survivor needs the support of other family members and friends, the church and possible members of the caring professions. The survivor should do everything in his or her power to overcome the impulse to refuse assistance and to recognize the benefit of outside help as well as the need for it. On the other hand, a relative, friend or caregiver should continue to stand by the survivor and assist him or her whenever possible, even when the survivor protests in anger. Grief, I have learned is too deep an emotional experience to be left a private matter. Try to remain open to the hurt. You may think it easier to control the pain or avoid it by staying busy. But eventually your emotions will surface; grief will demand your attention. Dealing with grief can be a vicious cycle that can trap you in a never-ending circle of grief. Try to believe that death can also give meaning to life, a meaning that may escape you now while your grief is fresh and raw, but which may someday bring a special quality of peace to your spirit. Reaching acceptance is the gateway to closure. As terrible as your loss seems now, you will survive it in time. You are not alone with these feelings. Once that happens, you will have touched upon a new and incredible inner strength. But for now you may be a mixture of thoughts and feelings.  Despair, shock, anger, guilt, frustration, questions and even understanding are tumbling over each other. It is a journey, and you must work on it. I have traveled this journey myself and it is a road I know too well. But someone was always there to catch me when I fell. There were the times He carried me when my legs were too weak. There were the times He was my eyes when mine were full of tears. And all the times He comforted me, he was helping me face my fears. This friend of mine is with you, too. He's been there all along. Just reach for Him and take His hand. It's where you now belong. The pain is real. It’s ok to cry. Your tears show your love. And tears that come from love help bring healing and renewal. Stay connected to family and friends. You need their presence, their support, their concern, their listening ear, strong shoulder and most of all their loving and caring hugs. Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying; "I will try again tomorrow." Host Interview by  Pat Sirni GRHost Marilyn Marilyn lost her husband of 48 years on June 30,2002 after a year long struggle with cancer.  Three months later, in September, she also lost her sister to a blood clot.  Her mother died of a stroke on October 30,2003.  Marilyn has been hosting since February 2004.  Those of you who visit the main room, Grief Recovery, during the daytime hours know her well, as she volunteers there  many hours per week.  She found GROWW in November 2002 and has visited nearly every day since then.  She says that finding GROWW and the  many friends that she has made here have helped her to cope  with  the losses  in her life. She says I find GROWW special to me for all the friends I have made here.  It is strange how we feel so close to people we have never met face to face and how we worry about peop le who dont come into the chatroom for a few days.  Marilyn has spent her life living in the Grand Rapids area of Michigan.  She has two grown married children and six grandchildren who live close by.  She lives with a ten year old spoiled cat named Boots.   Genealogy has been Marilyns hobby for the past 22 years.  She has been researching  her and her late husbands family history.  She has also been a volunteer for the past 25 years during the Christmas season for an organization called Santa Claus Girls.  They provide a toy, an item of clothing and some candy to needy children.  Currently, she serves as a Board member and President of  the Grandville Historical Commission.  The organization maintains an historical museum and a one room school house museum, which is visited by school children who come on a field trip and spend the day.  Marilyn’s advice to those who are just starting on this path of grief recovery is that they take life one minute at a time and try to keep busy and active.  “The grief you feel will get better, but you have to work hard sometimes to feel better”.  We are grateful to have Marilyn as one of our hosts. Recipe Corner Mexican Lasagna  Submitted by Pat Sirni 12 cooked lasagne noodles 4 jalapeno peppers, seeded and chopped 2 cups chopped onion 2 cups chopped green or red peppers, or a mixture of both 3 cloves garlic, chopped 2 cups chopped tomatoes 1 = teaspoons ground cumin 2 15.5 ounce cans black beans, drained and rinsed  8 ounce container of sour cream (low-fat works well ) 1 egg beaten 1 16 ounce jar of salsa (mild or medium to suit your taste) 8 ounces shredded Monterey Jack cheese Cooking spray Saute onions, green or red peppers and garlic for 5 minutes.  Add tomato, cumin, jalapenos and black beans.  Cook for 10 minutes over medium heat.  Cool for about 15 minutes and stir in sour cream and beaten egg. Spray a 13 by 9 baking dish with cooking spray.  Spread < cup of salsa in bottom of pan and arrange 4 noodles over it.  Top noodles with = of the bean mixture, = cup of cheese.  Repeat this layer and finish off the top with the remaining 4 noodles.  Spread remaining salsa on top and sprinkle remaining cheese on top.  Cover with foil and bake at 375 degrees for 35 minutes.  Uncover and bake an additional 12-15 minutes until cheese melts This makes 8 servings, but if you are cooking for just one or two, this freezes great in individual servings and can be easily reheated in the microwave. If you would like to submit a recipe or poem for publication in this newsletter, please send your submission to newsletter@groww.org To unsubscribe to this email click reply with UNSUBSCRIBE in the Subject Line.  For questions about this Newsletter or to submit an article, email newsletter@groww.org