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Message
from the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio
Has anyone else noticed how fast these months are
flying by? It seems
like it was just almost summer, now we’re half way through
it. Time does go on whether we want it
to or not. It does
go fast, but you know what - it always did.
We just never noticed it before because we were all part
of the other people who were enjoying our lives, going on vacation,
and walking hand in hand with our spouses.
It’s not easy sitting on the other side of the street
watching life go on, but I would like you all to take this opportunity
to try to remember we used to be just like them.
Try not to get mad at the friends who try to include you
in their holiday picnics, pool parties, or birthday celebrations. As we all know when they sit on the
other side of the street, they just can’t see how it looks
from our side. Sometimes,
we have to be the more patient person.
I know, it doesn’t make sense but we are in the position
that we do know. At
any given moment they could be joining you.
Wouldn’t you like them to know they can reach out
to you; that they’ll have a caring and understanding friend
to lean on? Then
you can lean on each other.
Try to look into a support group; they can be
wonderful, even if you aren’t into groups, try it. You may make one or 2 friends who
you hit it off with. And then
when you want to go to a restaurant, a moviem or even go on a cruise you
may have someone to go with you.
It’s always easier to do it in two’s and cheaper. It doesn’t have to be a man, just a
friend; someone who has suffered a loss similar to yours. You’ll be surprised how much we
have in common. To those of us
whose friends say, “Aren’t you over ‘it’ yet?” Just say, “NO!”
Go on to explain or don’t; it’s your right.
Until next month, Good Grief
AnneGD
Welcomes!!
Congrats to NanE,
She has accepted the position of
GR Asst. Manager. Thank
you from the bottom of our hearts Nan for all you do and give to GROWW.
Welcome to our 2 newest Hosts, Stephanie who will be Hosting in GR and
Yvonne who will be Hosting IN
GFW and GR.
Please join us in welcoming them when you see them
in the rooms.
Message
from the Director of Branches - Libby Morningstar
What does GROWW have to offer you? For many
you already know the answer, or so you think you do, but for our new
friends it’s nice to have someone just tell you. I would like to take
a few minutes to give you a lesson in GROWW 101….lol… and our many
facets. You search the internet looking for someone who can feel your
pain. To understand what others in your life cannot. As we like
to say, "you have had to been there to really understand."
We have many branches of GROWW. You can first discover that by
selecting GROWW's Site Navigation Menu, but
my favorite way to check out GROWW is by clicking on the Chat Index
and Site Map, (both found on the main
page as you enter www.GROWW.org).
Through this you can, in outline form, see all that GROWW has to offer, all
the individual chat rooms available, the message boards and meet the
specific hosts. Let's take for example "Grief
Recovery". You will see that it is number VI of the Branch Map
outline. By clicking on the words "Grief Recovery" you will
get a brief outline of what the room is all about, and
you can see the meeting times of that chat room. You will
also see that there are subheadings A., B., and C. By
selecting A, you will get access to the chat room itself; B will get you directly to the
message board relating to Grief Recovery; and then C allows you to meet the
men and women who give of their time freely to host that particular
chat room.
Now that the lesson is over take a few minutes for
yourself and get familiar with the different chat rooms and message boards
GROWW has to offer. Visit our chat rooms, read the message boards, or
even post to them .......it really does help - I promise. People tell
us all the time that they get great comfort from our site and that pleases
us. We are people helping people. We understand early grief and
the pain it causes. We want your experience at GROWW to be one that
is peaceful not stressful. One that we hope someday you
can share with someone else in need of comfort.
Until next month take care of YOU......as you
receive this many of us will be getting real hugs at the Michgian
Gathering...we will give extra hugs for all.
Libby.
Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio
No article this month.
Guest Column submitted by Sara J. Corse:
I am delighted by your website. I found it
when I was looking for places on the internet that support the grieving
through forums and resource lists. I would like to suggest the
inclusion of my recent book in your bookstore or list of recommended books
for supporting those who are dying, caring and grieving. Please let
me know what opportunities might exist to introduce the book
to visitors to your website, or advise me as to proper
procedure.
Thank you for your consideration. The book
is published by Augsburg/Fortress Press, a major source of books on
this topic, and is widely available.
The fact sheet on my book reads as follows:
Cradled All the While: The Unexpected Gifts of a
Mother’s Death (published March 2004)
Sara J. Corse, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical
psychologist and and author of Cradled
All the While: The Unexpected Gifts of a Mother’s Death (published in 2004 by Augsburg Fortress). Her memoir chronicles a complex mother / daughter
relationship brought into sharp focus when Dr. Corse brings her mother into
her home to care for her.
The beautifully crafted memoir explores the
ever-present struggle for connection and independence between mother and
daughter that may not be resolved by death, but given a new dimension. The
complex story, simply and gracefully told, engages the reader in issues of
grief and loss, prickly family relationships, and faith. Dr. Corse poignantly conveys the overlapping, and sometimes
conflicting needs of both her dying mother and herself, in the process
finding redemption and forgiveness. One reviewer writing for Amazon.com
wrote:
Don't
wait until your mother is ill or gone before you read this heartfelt book.
Any woman who has ever questioned whether she was properly
"mothered" or whether she was a good daughter would benefit from
the insights Dr. Corse shares about her own process of forgiving herself
and her mother. There is much here to hearten and inspire.
As a personal narrative of the transformative
potential of caring for a dying parent, Cradled All the While speaks to a
variety of audiences, including those experiencing or anticipating the
death of someone close to them, volunteers and professionals working in
hospice care, and ministers, spiritual directors and lay persons engaged in
pastoral care, individual and family therapists. The reader finds within this emotionally honest story
many footholds for moving closer to the experiences of the dying and the
grieving.
Thomas Long, Ph.D., Professor of
Preaching at Candler Theological Seminary, writes: As the author of this beautifully written book says,
"The curtain between life and death is a gossamer veil." With
insight and honesty, Sara Corse gazes through this gossamer veil as she
recounts her experiences caring for her mother, dying of cancer. Part
memoir, part reflection on the meaning of life and death, this book mainly
gives a moving account of her mother's last months, but through the use of
flashbacks and discursions, Corse shows how the tenderness and pain of this
final illness are woven into the larger complexities of a mother-daughter
relationship. Corse understands the anguish of losing a parent in the
context of her own sometimes anguished struggle for a personal identity and
a meaningful faith. For those facing the death of a loved one, this book
will be a comfort and a help. For anyone seeking understanding in the
presence of the mystery of death, this book will be a deep river of wisdom.
Dr. Corse is a Clinical Assistant Professor in the
Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania and runs a
private practice in Philadelphia. She is a member of the American
Psychological Association.
Poetry by Members (submitted by Jean Gibb):
IN MEMORY OF MY MUCH LOVED AND
MISSED BROTHER, JIM
By Jean Gibb
We shared the young years as sister and brother
And always knew
That we would see each other through.
We grew and went our separate ways
And always knew
That we would see each other through.
The love and closeness always in our hearts
Whether spoken or not, we always knew
That we would see each other through.
We'd have our spats and disagree
but we always knew
That we would see each other through.
We lost our Mom, and then our Dad
And as always, we saw each other through.
But then you left so suddenly
Now there's only me
With no one here to see me through.
Host Interview by Pat Sirni – (PatS):
GRHostJodyS
Where
do you live? Are you
originally from there?
I am living currently in England. But by the time the newsletter
comes out, I will be living back in the United States - in the Dallas/Ft
Worth area where I lived from the time I was 14. My father was in the Air Force and we moved around a lot
when I was a child, and he retired in Ft. Worth. I also went to college in Ft. Worth, TCU. While I am in transition moving
back to the States,
I will be staying with my sister and her three
children. My father also lives
in Ft. Worth.
Tell
us about your family, do you have children and/or pets?
We have two cats and their names are Brian and
Stevie. They are coming with
us to the States and will be traveling with my husband when he comes
over.
I am not employed outside the home, but I was a
student in the UK studying computers.
I will continue my education in the States, but I am not sure where
yet.
Please
tell us about your loss.
I lost my mom on 3/15/04 and my grandma 3/26/04 both
to ARDS: Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. They both had pneumonia at the time of their
deaths. They were in the same
hospitals in Florida and could see each other's rooms. My father and grandfather were with
them when they passed away.
When
and how did you find GROWW?
I flew to the States to be with my family when
this happened, and I was there for 6 weeks. Upon my return to England, a friend of a friend referred
me to GROWW, and I checked it out.
I remember being overwhelmed by the welcome I received. I immediately felt comfortable and
the people were so kind to me that I felt a part of the group in no
time. The compassion and
understanding was phenomenal.
How
long have you been a host?
What rooms do you host?
I have been a host since April. I host in Grief Recovery.
What
do you feel has helped you to survive your loss?
What has helped me to survive my loss has been the
support I have received from my family, definitely; and the support from
GROWW; and the help from my doctor.
I received counseling after my losses and it was very helpful. Talking with my husband as much as
I wanted to helped. My friends
at GROWW have been wonderful.
What
is your advice to someone just starting to walk this path of grief?
The advice I could give to someone who has just
experienced a loss is to be easy on yourself. You are about to go down a long hard road and expecting
too much out of yourself is not going to help you. But being nicer to yourself and
leaning on people who care about you and who can help you will help. Try to avoid guilt: it can eat you
alive and really serves no purpose.
Don't confuse guilt with regret. And as we all say in GROWW, take it one day at a time.
Do
you have any special memories of your time with GROWW that you would like
to share?
My special memory of GROWW has to be that of
Marilyn teaching me how to be a host.
She was a lovely person who had all the time and patience with me in
the world. She taught me how
to use MIRC and taught me the do's and don'ts of being a host. I have her to thank for any wisdom
I might even have in order to help others, along with the other GROWW
friends I have made who have helped me through my journey.
Have
you ever attended a gathering or met someone from GROWW in person?
I have not had the pleasure of meeting anyone from
GROWW as of yet, but now that I will be in the States, it's a real
possibility that that will happen!
I will be closer to people now and it's more realistic that it could
occur.
Recipe of the month:
AMBROSIA CAKE
Pineapple and Orange Filling
1 can (8 oz) crushed pineapple in juice, drained
1 cup orange juice
1 cup sugar
Cake
Solid veg. shortening for greasing pans
Flour for dusting pans
1 package (18.25 oz) white cake mix
with pudding
1 ¼ cups water
1/3 cup vegetable oil
3 eggs
1 ¾ cups unsweetened grated coconut
Garnish
1 ¾ cups unsweetened grated coconut
Combine pineapple, orange juice, and sugar in
medium saucepan. Cook over
med. heat stirring constantly until mixture is thickened, 20-25 minutes.
Pour the filling into a bowl and cover with plastic
wrap. Refrigerate
filling so that it will cool completely, about 1 hour. Stir filling before using.
Place rack in the center of over and preheat to
350. Grease 3- 9 inch round
cake pans, then dust with flour.
Shake out excess flour.
Place the cake mix, water, oil and eggs in a large
mixing bowl. Blend with
electric mixer on low speed for one minute. Scrape down sides of bowl,
Increase speed to medium and beat 2 more minutes. Fold in coconut until it is well distributed. Divide batter among prepared pans,
smoothing it out with rubber spatula.
Place in oven and bake the cakes until they spring back when lightly
pressed with finger about 18-20 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes. Run a dinner knife around the edge of cakes and invert
each onto a rack, then invert them again onto another rack so that the
cakes are rightside up. Allow
them to cool completely, 30 minutes.
Meanwhile, prepare Marshmallow Icing.
Place one cake layer, right side up on a serving
platter. Spread the top of the
cake layer with half of the pineapple filling, spreading the filling with a
rubber spatula up to 1 inch from cake edge. Place the second cake layer, right side up on top of the
filling. Spread a second layer
with the remaining filling.
Top the two layers with the remaining cake layer, right side up and
spread Marshmallow Frosting on the top and sides of the cake with clean
smooth strokes. Garnish the
cake generously with the coconut pressing it around the sides and top of cake. Store this cake, covered in waxed
paper or cake server in the refrigerator.
Marshmallow Icing.
½ cup sugar
2 tablespoons water
2 large eggs whites
1 ½ cups Marshmallow Crème
Place the sugar, water and egg whites in a medium
heavy saucepan. Cook over low
heat, beating continuously with electric hand mixer on high speed until
soft peaks form, 2-3 minutes.
Make sure to keep cord away from burner.
Remove the pan from heat. Add marshmallow cream and beat the
mixture with the mixer on high speed until stiff peaks forms, 2 minutes.
Use at once to frost cake.
If you would like to submit a guest column, recipe, or poem for
publication in this newsletter, please send your submission to newsletter@groww.org
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