E-Mail Newsletter

november 15, 2008

November Volume 3, Number 7

Holiday Bill of Rights

I post this every year in the Newsletter, every year it helps to remind those of us on this journey
to take care of ourselves. Most new members will find this very helpful, I know we all have. I know
this is something that will never go out of style or become obsolete.

HOLIDAY BILL of RIGHTS

1. You have the right to say TIME OUT, anytime you need to. Time out to let

up, blow a little steam, step away from the holidays, have a "huddle" time

and start over.

2. You have a right to TELL IT LIKE IT IS when people ask, How are you? You

have a right to tell them how you REALLY feel, not just what they want to

hear. *You need to take care of yourself. Be attuned to your feelings (*P.S.

You also the right to smile and say you're fine, because telling them how

you really feel, isn't worth your time - some people will never understand

anyway)

3. You have the right to SOME "BAH HUMBUG" DAYS. You don't have to be "Jolly

Old St. Nicholas" all the time. You are not a bad person just because you

don't feel like singing Christmas carols all day.

4. You have the right to DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. There is no law that says

you must always do Chanukah and Christmas the same way. You can send 10

cards instead of 100 -- or no cards at all. You can open presents at

somebody else's house. You can do without a tree. You can have a pizza

instead of turkey!-the list is endless.

5. You have the right to BE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. Be at home, or at the

relatives or with friends. Be in any city, any state you choose! NOBODY SAID

YOU HAVE TO HAVE SNOW TO HAVE CHRISTMAS. There's no law that says you must

stay home!

6. You have the right to have SOME FUN. Don't be afraid of what someone will

say if they see you laughing and having a good time. Laughter is every bit

as therapeutic as tears. If you are doing something that your loved one

would have also enjoyed, think of their laughter and feel their laughter

inside of you.

7. You have the right to CHANGE DIRECTION IN MID-STREAM. Grief is

unpredictable. You may be all ready to go somewhere or do something and be

suddenly overwhelmed, immobilized. When that happens it's okay to change

your mind.

8. You have the right to DO THINGS AT DIFFERENT TIMES. Go to church or

synagogue at a different time. Open presents at a different time. Serve your

meal at a different time. Give up and go to bed at a different time. Don't

be a slave to the holiday clock.

9. You have the right to REST, PEACE, and SOLITUDE. You don't need to be

busy all the time. Take a nap whenever you need one. Take time to pray and

meditate or recharge your spirit, it can do you much more good then eating

another huge meal.

10. You have the right TO DO IT ALL DIFFERENT AGAIN NEXT YEAR. Just because you change things one year or try
something different, does not mean you

have written it in stone. Next year, you can always change it back or do it,

in yet, another new way.

Until next issue

Good grief

AnneGD@groww.org

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Introducing– Guiding Angels

Guiding Angels is a chat branch for loss of parents and grandparents.  In this room, we explore our life without
our “guide” and “friend.”  We discuss our feelings and the journey back to finding a new “normal” for our family.
As our website declares:

The loss of a parent is FOREVER. The loss of the Guide and Friend is much different than the loss of a child
or mate. But we want to focus in on the HELP that we can get from others. Like what to do that first Mother's
Day, first Father's Day; what to do when someone says to you "oh so you’re an orphan". This sharing reminds
us we are all very NORMAL, that we are just in grief. Healing doesn't come in a month...we don't just "get over it".
Healing doesn't mean "FORGETTING" it means that you are able to move on carrying the love of the person that
meant so much to you. When you "share" these things with someone that really understands, you begin to heal.
The heavy weight gets easier, and you don't just "get over it" you heal. And that's what Guiding Angels is all
about, time to get together and share.

GuidingAngels is a wonderful place of support and comfort in our journey to wholeness.  This branch of GROWW meets;
Wednesday 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM (est) and Thursday 9:00 PM ET to 10:00 PM

Book Review

On the Road to Emmaus: A Travel Guide through Grief by  Myrlene Hamilton Hess.

This is an easy read book with little sections to write notes, journal if you want. It is faith based but helps you
put your grief into perspective. It enlightens you and ask you questions. This works well for individuals or even
in a group setting. If you belong to a support group you could read the book as a group and base some
discussions on the book.

I highly recommend it.

Here is the reference for it, if anyone is interested in it:

Judson Press has published widow and pastor Myrlene Hamilton Hess's new book On the Road to
Emmaus: A Travel Guide through Grief <http://www.judsonpress.com/product.cfm?product_id=12686>

AnneGD

From Our Member JudyC

The following was submitted by JudyC, who graciously gave permission for it to be published.

I have found two things that help me tremendously, and both are part of
the tradition of my Jewish faith.  One is to take on a characteristic of
the person you have lost.  I have decided to be more generous.  My
husband was an extremely generous person.  I grew up in a household with
a "scarcity" mentality.  I learned a lot about generosity from him.  The
other tradition is to do good deeds which are called "mitzvehs" in honor
of the person.  Both of these traditions help me on many levels. When I
am generous, it makes me feel good just to be generous and also because
I am doing it in his honor.  If I do a good deed:  helping another
person, contributing to a charity, volunteering, again, as it says on
your list, it makes me feel better, and again I am honoring my husband.
Judy

The Company of Strangers

The Internet is a strange. It brings the world into our homes. We can shop for wine. Find a cure for warts.
Discover the latest fashions. Compare the price of riding lawnmowers. The Internet can bring us whatever we want.
I wanted someone, anyone who could understand how I felt when you died. The Internet brought me “fellow grievers.”

            At three a.m. when I can’t sleep I login to a grief chat room and discover people from all over the world also
“not sleeping.” Some lost a spouse 10 years ago. Some buried their daughter or son yesterday. One woman’s father
died during hurricane Katrina. They didn’t find his body for five days. A fourteen-year-old girl tries to handle the
guilt she feels because the last conversation with her mother was an argument the morning of a fatal car crash.

We are part of a club no one wants to join. Our common denominator is pain and a fierce hope that someday
we will feel better. We cry, we rant and we talk about the people we loved and lost. We say things that only make,
sense to those who have walked this same path and things we couldn’t dare say to our families or are closest friends.

 The “long time survivors” tell the newly grieved who are barely hanging on that suicide is not the answer and
that there is absolutely no good answer to the question “why?”

Sprinkled amidst the crying and suggestions for ways to sleep and advice on how to handle the stress,
there are flashes of humor. One man suggested we all have T – shirts printed that say “I’m grieving as fast as I can.”

The company of strangers is sometimes what gets me through the night.

Desiree Simons
www.myspeechpro.com

RECIPE

2 packages lady fingers
24 ounces cream cheese
1 cup granulated sugar
4 eggs
1 1/2 pints sour cream
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon almond extract
1 (20 ounce) can cherry pie filling

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Line the sides of one 10-inch springform pan with
lady fingers then line the bottom with lady fingers, cutting lady fingers, if necessary.

Cream the cream cheese and sugar together. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition.
Stir in the extracts and fold in the sour cream. Pour batter into the prepared pan.
Cover tops of lady fingers with foil.

Bake at 375 degrees F for 50 to 60 minutes, until almost set in the middle.
Remove cake from oven and let stand for 1/2 hour, then remove sides of pan.
Place in the refrigerator for at least 24 hours before serving. Top with fresh/canned fruit/s of your choice

Phil’s Corner

Hi Guyz. I just got back into town from a trade show. I don’t know how many you have ever seen
or read anything by the late George Carlin but, I’d like to share some of his thoughts with you in
about euphemisms. I never noticed it but he makes some valid points.

            The first thing that came to my attention when I checked into the hotel was how the
titles have changed. You used to check in with the desk clerk; now he’s the front desk agent. The
bellhop has been now become a luggage assistant and works in luggage services. When I called
down for towels the room attendant who used to be the housekeeper, maid and cleaning woman
brought them to me. I called down for room service to order in and was informed its now in-room dining.
Someone called later and asked me how  my choice, all-beef, eight ounce, charbroiled sirloin patty, served
on a lightly toasted sesame seed bun, and topped with a generous slice of their finest golden cheddar was.
I told em the cheeseburger was fine.

            At the show on of the most common questions I’m often asked at theses shows is What
do you do at your company. I am The Facilities Manager, hmmmmmmmm . Wow impressive huh,
lemme splain. I’m the Electrician, plumber, technician, designer, sub-contract administrator, trade show
exhibit manager, customer transportation coordinator and anything and everything else that comes up that’s
not covered above.

            When did toilet paper become toilet tissue, loafers became slip-ons, sneakers are now running shoes
or athletic footwear and my comfy worn and tattered sweatpants and sweatshirt suddenly are active wear????
My 1996 Ford Taurus with 80,000 miles now has an instrument panel, climate control system and a braking system
instead of a dashboard, heater & AC and brakes. I’m no longer constipated by the way I’m going through occasional
irregularity and my medicines have been replaced by medications.

            Well Anne’s giving me that look so I guess I’ll put out the trash for the garbage man, oh
exxxxxxccccuuuussseeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeee I mean the sanitation engineer so he can take it to
the dump, dang I mean landfill. This is way too much to digest, see ya next month.

If there is anything you would like to see in the Newsletter or contribute, please send it to
newsletter@groww.org. Interesting articles, recipes, poetry or anything else that you found helped
you and might help others.

The next issue will be sent on Jan. 15^th, until
then, be safe and take care of yourself. If time
permits, we may send a December issue with
more helpful hints on how to get through the

holidays.