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November 22, 2009 |
November Volume 4, Number 6 |
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Taking Care of You
This is the last newsletter for 2009, it seems like we
just sent out the first one of the year, time sure does fly by. For those of
you that have joined us in the past year, please join us in chat when you are
feeling overwhelmed and when you are having a good day too. It seems that
each year the The key to surviving most holidays is to try to deal
with them as best as you can. Many people say, I just want to sleep until
January, well, we know that can’t happen so we try to make our way through
the next month or so. Don’t say no to invitations, ask if you can decide
later, if it is an invitation that is close by, try to go, we know you don’t
want to right now, but you might just have an ok time and appreciate that a
friend or family member cared enough about you to invite you. Often time
anticipation is worse than the actual event. Try a new family tradition, did you always have the
dinner or party at your house? Can someone else host it this year, a change
of scenery is not always a bad thing. Some people just go away, it is our
choice, we all get to do what helps us get through each day. Light a candle
for your loved one at the dinner table and share a happy memory. Don’t let
the memory be the elephant in the room, open up, share a thought and keep on
keeping on, it will bring relief to everyone at your dinner table. Next month there will be a special edition of the
newsletter with all of the articles and news postings that I have collected
over the years that tries to help people deal with this time of year and get
us to January. Please
remember we are here for you. Until next
time, Good grief PS: on a
GROWW personal note, a very dear friend of GROWW who some of you may know Amy
aka Tigger who first came to GROWW with Judy and the original group from AOL has been fighting
lung cancer. Amy ran the Moving ON chat for widowed for a couple of years. In
the past day or so, Amy and her family found out that it has spread to her
brain. I am going to post the update that her son posted on her journal page.
Please
keep Amy and her family in your prayers.
Amy’s wedding to John is on the new beginnings page, they have 7
children combined. Amy & John were kind enough to Host a
gathering for widowed at their home a few years ago. PLEASE keep them all in
your prayers, Amy is only 47 years old and their youngest
son is 7 years old. Here is
the post her son posted last night: Good Evening Family
and Friends, if I'm not as whitty or
charismatic. Yesterday morning my mother's recent dizzy spells, headaches and
nausea finally reached critical mass and caused her to fall on a couple of
occasions and ultimately landed her in the hospital. Over the last 36 hours
we have been in (and recently out of) the ICU and have gotten a whole bunch
of new information.
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Changing Seasons
Although winter doesn't officially begin until the winter
solstice on December 21, solar winter, the quarter of the year with the least
sunlight, runs from early November until early February in the northern
hemisphere. Many of us are affected - usually adversely - by the
lack of daylight and the increasingly inclement weather. Here are a few
suggestions for coping with the season when nature takes a nap:
*
* * Keep a vase filled with inexpensive fresh flowers from the
grocery store. Eat chocolate every day. Take up a new hobby, or revive an old one, to keep
yourself entertained and engaged when the weather keeps you indoors more. You
don't have to be good at it, you just have to enjoy it. Pick up the paint
brushes or pen or knitting needles. Take classes in something you'd like to
learn to do. It's the perfect time - there aren't many gardening chores
needing your attention now. Go easy on the holiday nog. Although alcohol acts as a
stimulant initially, it's really a depressant. You need depressed? This is a great time of year to feed and watch birds. Hang
a feeder where you can watch the activity from a comfortable spot. Birds need
water for drinking and bathing ("a clean bird is a warm bird")
every day. Heated bird baths are a great bonus. If you want to interact, as
well as observe, chickadees are pretty easy to train to take
seed from your hand. Try to get some exercise almost every day. Exercise reduces
stress and anxiety hormones. Keep a journal of things that make you truly happy: a sunny
winter day, a child's smile, the recovery of a sick friend. It is good - and
good for us - to remind ourselves of the things for which we are grateful. How we think about something governs how we feel about it.
Instead of regarding the increasing darkness as gloomy and depressing, try
considering it cozy, homey, restful. And remember that each day of winter is one day closer to
spring - YAY!
~ Anon SHARED LINKS: Stan Popovich is the
author of "A Layman's Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology,
Christianity and Non Resistant Methods" - an easy to read book that
presents a general overview of techniques that are effective in managing
persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com/
Over time we are asked about the possibility
of posting memorials. Due to a number
of reasons we are unable to post memorials on GROWW. When we hear about other resources
that might be of interest to our members we like to pass them on to you. Recently we heard of one such website. It is a free service that allows families
to create a tribute at no charge and no trial period. Please visit http://tribute.perfectmemorials.com/. The
website offers a section of frequently asked questions at http://tribute.perfectmemorials.com/frequently-asked-questions/#what-is. Below are just a few taken directly
from there site: “How much do the
tributes cost?
There are no fees or trial periods
with our service. The tributes are free to everyone. How long will the
tribute site stay online?
One of the unique aspects of our
service is that there are no trial periods. Tributes are created to last
forever. Will the
information I share remain private?
Your personal details and e-mail
address, and those of other contributors, will not be sold or shared with any
third parties.” Rachel My
name is Nikki Sian-Leigh Aksamit, and I am a new author from The war in I know
firsthand how difficult it is to have to look into the eyes of a child after
they have lost a loved one. How do you explain to your young child that mommy
lost the baby she was carrying in her tummy? Or tell them that a family
friend lost his battle with AIDS? Or answer "Why did puppy have to die?" In an
eighteen month period, I was faced with explaining all of these things to my
four year old son. I couldn't find any books that were specific enough, or
age appropriate to give him the answers I wanted him to have. So, I wrote my
own. It is in eBook format, and is now available on eBay. I have attached a copy for you
here. "Mommy, What is Dead?” (copyright June 2007)
is a fifteen page illustrated book explaining death and dying, aimed at
preschoolers and young children. It explains the difference between body and soul, and the various ways people and animals die. Taking
no religious stance, it offers two of the most common beliefs as to
what happens to the soul after death ("heaven" and reincarnation).
"Mommy, What is Dead?" offers comfort by telling children that our
memories are the way love continues on. I wrote
this book in hopes that my efforts can help families after the loss of a
loved one, and that it may be used as a resource in healing. Thank you for
the opportunity to share this with you. Sincerely, Nikki
Aksamit Greetings from Knopf! Hello I created a special gift, ebook for my friends "Guardian Angel Peace". Please download ebook and feel free to share this email with your family & friends. I look forward to comments in my blog!
To view a clip of Griefwalker, a
National Film Board of Canada production about Stephen's work with dying
people and those who love them, please click here: http://nfb.ca/film/griefwalker-trailer/. POETRY Three Doors Patty Dickerman The first door was the death. It
slammed shut, was locked and sealed. It separated me from my loved one. It was a heavy,
cold steel door. I can never open it. It leaves me alone outside. The second door swings open and beckons me to
come inside. It leads to all my memories of our life together. At first,
the door is wide open as I spend most of my time back inside reliving every precious
moment – the sad memories, the bad memories and thank goodness, the very
special good memories. Gradually I spend less time there but often I return to the
second door. Sometimes I find myself spending a lot of time
there. Sometimes I chuckle and leave, appreciative and happy for the experience we
shared. The second door will always remain slightly open. It
will always be welcoming me back in time. The more I heal, the more
I walk away from the second door and toward the third door. The third door is stiff. It is hard
to open. It opens slowly. It is scary inside when I first open it but each time I try to open this
door, it becomes easier to open. Inside, I find rays of
hope. Beyond are many paths, many choices. As time passes, I feel more comfortable
entering. Gradually, the third door opens wider and I find myself able to explore all that is
within. Soon the paths take me in many directions. The third door opens up to my new life. Woman
and a Fork Thank you Hope for sending these in J Wow, I just realized that
it’s been 10 months since I’ve shared my wisdom and opinions with you.
Another year flying by, which means the onset of the holidays. I often wonder
how many people pass through the site; sometimes I wish the rooms had griefometers
on them just to see the actual count. 11 years is a long time and quite a few
folk have passed through. Those of you, who will be
going through the holidays, take a deep breath. Don't feel obligated to
attend parties and activities. If you feel as though you would like to don't
let yourself feel guilty. Life does go on and the quicker you get on with
some aspects of your life the better off you will be, psychologically. If you
don't feel as though you can enjoy yourself do something else for the holidays.
One thing you
can do, especially if there are others feeling the same as you, is to visit
the person's grave on holidays. Although this is very sad it's also necessary
for the healing process. Take a bunch of roses or a small Christmas tree and
place it on the grave site. Some cemeteries don't allow this so check first
or you'll find the placements removed upon your next visit. Spend time with
the kids on the holiday. They have such wonderment and excitement during
holidays and it's difficult not to smile when around happy kids. Although the
kids and other people cannot take the place of the one you've lost they can
help you put the memories in the back of your mind, if only temporarily. Do something
special in memory of your loved one like setting a plate for them at the
table. Lay a single rose or even a photo of the loved one on the place
setting. This will help some people but for others, it's not ideal, since
they cannot stop thinking about the person missing from the table. Instead of attending joyous holiday festivities rent a movie that
the loved one was fond of, or start a scrapbook with pictures and other
mementos of your loved one. Or go do something the loved one always enjoyed,
such as roller skating or driving along the countryside. Ya don’t have to be
alone for the holidays, come and join us here at GROWW. We’ll be here with
ya. Please keep
in your prayers those folks in the rooms who we lost and are ill. Finally,
those of you who have known me for the past 11 years know that I am a die
hard fan of a certain baseball team who currently won the World Series, but I
wouldn’t mind seeing the Cubs win next year……….ciao
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