|
|
|
|
NOVEMber 2010 |
|
|
Taking care of you
Here it is November already,
Thanksgiving is around the corner. Do
we all have something to be thankful for? I think so. To many of us there doesn’t seem like there
is much to be thankful for, because we are so sad and feel that our life
right now is so unfair that we can’t possibly have anything to be grateful
for. Are you healthy, are you
employed, do you have enough money to get you through the month, are your
kids, husband, parent’s healthy? Then we do have something to be grateful
for. Are we upset because life seems
so unfair and our loved one died and we are left here to grieve and go on?
You bet we are. It takes a long time
to be able to put the grief and sadness into a safe place that we can bring
out from time to time. If you are new
at grief, you are probably no way near or ready to accept this. If you have
been dealing with this you may be beginning to feel a little different,
better, maybe not. Do we all feel better some day? I don’t think so. Some of
us do “get” better, some don’t; they still accept it and continue to go about
their lives, but they have learned to live with it. What’s the difference - both have accepted
the death and the permanence. To “feel” better I think is when the death does
not live with you every day. Yes, you remember them on those special
occasions, you get a little twinge of sadness now and then, but life has gone
on and life is good again. “Learned to
live with it” - you can go on with your life, but the death is still a very
big part of your life, you deal with the sadness every single day, maybe not
in a big way like at the beginning of your loss but still, part of your life
includes the death every day. Others learn
to live with it, accept it and move on, may not feel the grief, pain and
sadness everyday, but still feels it quite frequently. Is there anything wrong with this? I don’t
think so, that’s why grief is so personal, none of us grieve the same way,
for the same length of time or with the same degree of sadness. There is a lot if work to be done to get to
the ok stage and feel like you may have something to be thankful for. I’m thankful my family is healthy, I’m
thankful we have enough income to take care of our kids and pay the bills
every month, I’m thankful for the friends I have that love me no matter what,
for the people who love me for who I am, to those that forgive me for being
human. I’ll be even more thankful when
all of the people who lost their jobs and home find new jobs and the economy
turns around. It will happen, we have to have faith. I’m thankful that GROWW is still
thriving and able to help so many see that they can get through their grief
with hard work and caring people to share their fears and their
accomplishments as they go through this journey. 1. You have the right to say TIME OUT,
anytime you need to. Time out to let up, blow a little steam, step away
from the holidays, have a "huddle" time and start over. 2. You have a right to TELL IT LIKE IT
IS. When people ask, “How are you?” you have a right to tell them how you REALLY
feel, not just what they want to hear. *You need to take care of yourself. Be attuned to
your feelings. (*P.S. You also the right to smile and say
you're fine, because telling them how you really feel, isn't worth your time
- some people will never understand anyway.) 3. You have the right to SOME
"BAH HUMBUG" DAYS. You don't have to be "Jolly Old St. Nicholas" all the time.
You are not a bad person just because you don't feel like singing Christmas carols all day. 4. You have the right to DO THINGS
DIFFERENTLY. There is no law that says you must always do Chanukah and Christmas the
same way. You can send 10 cards instead of 100 -- or no cards at all. You can
open presents at somebody else's house. You can do without a tree. You can have a pizza
instead of turkey!-the list is endless. 5. You have the right to BE WHERE YOU
WANT TO BE. Be at home, or at the relatives’ or with friends. Be in any city, any
state you choose! NOBODY SAID YOU HAVE TO HAVE SNOW TO HAVE
CHRISTMAS. There's no law that says you must stay home! 6. You have the right to have SOME
FUN. Don't be afraid of what someone will say if they see you laughing and
having a good time. Laughter is every bit as therapeutic as tears. If you are
doing something that your loved one would have also enjoyed, think of
their laughter and feel their laughter inside of you. 7. You have the right to CHANGE
DIRECTION IN MID-STREAM. Grief is unpredictable. You may be all ready to
go somewhere or do something and be suddenly overwhelmed, immobilized.
When that happens it's okay to change your mind. 8. You have the right to DO THINGS AT
DIFFERENT TIMES. Go to church or synagogue at a different time. Open
presents at a different time. Serve your meal at a different time. Give up and
go to bed at a different time. Don't be a slave to the holiday clock. 9. You have the right to REST, PEACE,
and SOLITUDE. You don't need to be busy all the time. Take a nap whenever
you need one. Take time to pray and meditate or recharge your spirit, it
can do you much more good then eating another huge meal. 10. You have the right TO DO IT ALL
DIFFERENT AGAIN NEXT YEAR. Just because you change things one year or try
something different, does not mean you have written it in stone. Next year,
you can always change it back or do it, in yet, another new way. Remember, only YOU know what is best
for you. Grief Recovery will be open
all day on Thanksgiving and probably pretty busy, if you need us, we’ll be
here for you. One other thought, after my husband
died, I would buy a centerpiece for the dining room table with a candle in
the center, at some point during diner or before, we would light the candle
and all share one silly, happy, funny memory, then he was with us and we
talked about him and smiled. That
worked for us, it may not work for you, but it just might. Until
next time Good
grief |
|
|
Contact
Information For information or questions about
GROWW, please write to staff@groww.org Anyone who hasn’t signed up for a
password for the message boards and would like to do so please go to the
following link and submit the information required. Please remember we are
all volunteers here and it may take up to 48 hours to process your request. http://www.groww.org/community/boards/passwordform.htm Web
Links Do you have a website that helps you
get through the day, email it to me and I’ll post it in an upcoming
Newsletter. POETRY Grief
Takes Center Stage by Doyle Alldredge It is
so hard with the loss of a child No matter what their age Your
heart becomes shattered Your reasoning becomes unstable Grief
has taken center stage Our children
are part of us When they die………… A part of us
also dies Grief has taken
center stage The world keeps
right on turning Life seems to go on………… In life’s race
we have fallen behind We struggle to carry on Grief has taken
center stage We get
angry……………… Sometimes not realizing it We search for
understanding And looking for any kind of support Grief has taken
center stage One day we will
conquer this battle of grief To one again we’ll be in control Though grief
will always be with us………. We will take
the center stage Recipe Crock
Pot Beef Stew Ingredients 2 lbs. boneless beef for stew 1 lb. carrots\cooked, peeled and sliced 8 potatoes, peeled and diced 2 cups celery\cooked, sliced 1/4 cup bell peppers, seeded and chopped 1 large onion\cooked, diced 3 Tbsps. Minute Tapioca 4 cups tomatoes\cooked 1 Tbsp. brown sugar Instructions Hi Guyz. I just got back into town from a trade show. I
don’t know how many you have ever seen or read anything by the late George
Carlin but, I’d like to share some of his thoughts with you in about
euphemisms. I never noticed it but he makes some valid points. The first
thing that came to my attention when I checked into the hotel was how the
titles have changed. You used to check in with the desk clerk; now he’s the
front desk agent. The bellhop has been now become a luggage assistant and
works in luggage services. When I called down for towels the room attendant
who used to be the housekeeper, maid and cleaning woman brought them to me. I
called down for room service to order in and was informed its now in-room
dining. Someone called later and asked me how
my choice, all-beef, eight ounce, charbroiled sirloin patty, served on
a lightly toasted sesame seed bun, and topped with a generous slice of their
finest golden cheddar was. I told em the cheeseburger was fine. At the
show on of the most common questions I’m often asked at theses shows is What
do you do at your company. I am The Facilities Manager, hmmmmmmmm . Wow
impressive huh, lemme splain. I’m the Electrician, plumber, technician,
designer, sub-contract administrator, trade show exhibit manager, customer
transportation coordinator and anything and everything else that comes up
that’s not covered above. When did
toilet paper become toilet tissue, loafers became slip-ons, sneakers are now running
shoes or athletic footwear and my comfy worn and tattered sweatpants and
sweatshirt suddenly are active wear???? My 2002 Ford Explorer with 60,000
miles now has an instrument panel, climate control system and a braking
system instead of a dashboard, heater & AC and brakes. I’m no longer
constipated by the way I’m going through occasional irregularity and my
medicines have been replaced by medications. Well
Anne’s giving me that look so I guess I’ll put out the trash for the garbage
man, oh exxxxxxccccuuuussseeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeee I mean the sanitation
engineer so he can take it to the dump, dang I mean landfill. This is way too
much to digest, see ya next time. |
