| Message from
the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio
October is here, summer is over for almost everyone,
unless you don’t live in the U.S.; and we do have lots of
friends from all over the world.
I would like to share with you a couple of things.
First, one of our Hosts GRHostBettyW died in August, we
didn’t know until this weekend. Please keep her family in your prayers.
Betty was a wonderful asset to GROWW and gave many hours
to hosting in GR.
I would like to thank every one who helped Bobbi
after evacuating from New Orleans. She has written a personal message to all in this
newsletter.
I would also like to ask if anyone can help. We have another GROWW member who received
lots of damage from Hurricane Rita. Her name is Tracy and her nick is ac. She has been frequenting the widowed
room for a few years. She
is a single mom with 4 kids.
If any of you can help her out, she lives near a Super
Walmart, which is where she does all her shopping.
She had been going to college, but hasn’t been able
to attend. Her power was out for about 2 weeks
and during this time, her beloved sister who had been suffering
from cancer lost her battle.
Tracy was not able to attend her sister’s funeral.
If anyone can send some cards or help her out please send
it to the GROWW snail mail address or email me at annegd@groww.org
for additional information.
I am so very proud of every one who comes to GROWW.
We all share our pain; and we share our good times and
help out friends whenever we can.
Until next month, Good Grief,
AnneGD
Message from
the Director of Branches - Libby Morningstar
Happy October!! With the hustle and bustle
of each day/week we need to take the time to just slow down a
bit. As individuals we can get so wrapped up in our busy
life we just don't have time to take care of the ME. Grief
is so hard on our bodies that I am giving you permission
to do just that - take time for you. What I have learned
in grief is that I cannot possibly help someone else if I am not
taking care of me. This is all part of the healing process.
Welcome to GROWW - here you can begin that healing process.
You have others who understand your pain, your sorrow. YES
it is different, their loss is different, but the common bond
is there. SOOOOOOO when you need that timeout for YOU come
sit with us. Come share your feelings. Come offer
support.
GROWW is growing.......we are pleased to announce
the reopening of our Widows 2 room (moving on). We've had
requests to reopen the room for those who are dealing with their
grief and having questions as to what is next in their life.
There are so many questions/concerns on how to start life over
now that we are one. It is a great place to share/laugh/offer
advice. If you feel you are reaching this point in your
life or you just want to see if it is for you please stop by on
Wednesday evenings from 8:00 pm to 10:00 pm EST. For those
active in our Widows Room you will recognize our host who is Tigger
(Amy). We believe her to be the perfect host for
this room. Amy has a natural ability to keep a conversation
going and asking the hard questions and she really cares.
Until next month.....do something for you.....I am
going to ask you....LOL
Libby
Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio
No article this month.
“Fuhgeddaboutit”
Guest Column submitted by Bobbi Park:
An open letter of thanks to my extended GROWW family:
First of all, before I forget, I'd like to thank AnneGD, Director
of GROWW, for caring enough to relay my story to you all, following
my evacuation from Katrina in New Orleans. She and I became
good friends early on, back in '02, when my Rick died; and I found
GROWW. This friendship has flourished and
I owe her and hubby, Phil so much. My thanks to you both, for your love,
caring and just always "being there." Your dedication
is not known by many...but, I sure do.
Never have I seen such an overwhelming outpouring of compassion, caring,
and support since her article appeared in last month’s newsletter,
about my situation. You ALL are wonderful people, each and
every one. The supportive and "go get 'em" emails,
cards, letters and phone calls....they were just what I needed,
to kick my "survivor skills" into motion!
From the many hosts, to people I've had the honor of meeting,
thru my two "gatherings" in New Orleans to complete
strangers....unbelievable... You ALL have made this transition
possible. The monumental and phenomenal GIFTS....a
new bed w/furniture, a new washer/dryer, a new entertainment center,
a fancy phone, new microwave, coffeemaker and toaster....a new
set of pots and pans...the gifts cards for the local grocery store,
Wal-Mart, Target, and Sears stores....the wonderful cash donations,
to keep me self-sufficient...AND....the MIND-BOGGLING gift of
a safe, dependable CAR! My head is STILL spinning.
I cannot express enough words, the feelings that I have felt.
My heartfelt gratitude and THANKS to each and every one of you,
who made me feel as comfortable and secure, given the set of circumstances
that faced me. I may have to struggle, at times, until my
house sells, but I couldn't have wished for a better place to
"start over".
But, had it not been for Karen Curry's insistence (forcible, at times!!
hahaha) on me actually leaving New Orleans, this wouldn't have
been possible. She urged me on, giving me refuge,
at her home, without a second thought. Then, our own
Widowed Chatroom Host Cece, moved OUT of her apartment, for me
to have the personal space to collect my thoughts and attempt
to put my life back in order. This ALL was made possible
by our other Host Limey Angel (Barb) and her roommate, Shirley, who
opened their home to Cece, while I was here. So, you see, this WAS an all-out
"family" effort...the likes I've NEVER seen, having
had no family within 900 miles for years! Unbelievable,
I tell you. These particular women have guided
me, welcomed me and were instrumental in my decision to relocate,
here, in Panama City, Fl., for good. And, the personal
love and concern from my two "best-est" widder buddies
Melba C and Barbara F (Ganny) got me through MANY a rough spot,
since Aug. 28th, when I fled New Orleans.
Once my panic and anxiety started to ease up, I began to look around...this
is a beautiful city...the people are SO very friendly and helpful.
Everything is so close and convenient. I began to think, "Why
NOT make this my new home?" I inquired at this
very apartment complex about any openings...they just happened
to have one available...I signed up, then and there. I did
some research (online and in the phone book) and found a facility
(sheltered workshop for mentally retarded adults)...inquired about
any position that might be available...to MY surprise, they HAD
ONE! I went for an interview the next day and I was
hired on the spot! I started my new job Oct. 3rd
and I couldn't be happier! Oh, did I mention??....hahaha...the
job is only 1.2 miles from my apartment...!! How great
is that???
So, I went back to New Orleans, packed up what I deemed salvageable
from my house, put it up for sale and MOVED...lock, stock &
barrel. The one "miracle" story being that I found my
one kitty, "Skeeter" ALIVE and well, in the house,
albeit scared to death (she had spooked on me and hid...I had
secured my other precious "Baby" and she made the trip
with me) so I have both my darlin' pets with me, my family is
intact!! I can't tell you all the last time, I've felt this
comfortable, safe and secure...even since Rick died, a little
over 3 yrs ago. This is definitely a new chapter in my life...I'll
turn the pages on the past and make new memories from my new location,
now.
But, this all would NOT have happened, had it not been for the love
of GROWW! I'm forever indebted and grateful to ALL
of you. You don't know the magnitude of the difference you
made, in my life. I thank you all, from the bottom
of my heart. We all came to GROWW following the worst
thing that could happen to any of us...the death of a loved one...we
reach out, we support, and we let others find their way. This
is just another example of how broad these (((( hugs )))) really are.
Many thanks to each and every one...God bless you ALL...
Bobbi Park
Poetry by Members (submitted by Marla):
THE CHAIR
By Marla
Many years from today, an irresistible
chair sat in my room
By a window filled with glowing warmth
in the afternoon.
Beaming with rays that could even touch
my baby toes.
On those days, I relished my sunshine
as I rocked in my Chair, feeling contentment at where I was right
then.
Yeah……..the rocker, the
best kind to call your own.
It also reminded me of the times I rocked
my little ones
Off to slumber and I, too, drifted off
to the gentle rocking
Into mellow land to ease the day’s
discarded leftovers.
So soft, warm but awfully injured in
places from much use
But that was fine for I had given the
chair much use and
The chair, in return, comforted me and
was always there.
And it had given me pleasurable comfort,
peace with my
Thoughts and a very cozy blanket for
the cold nights.
Wrap up, be warm, be constant……..dream,
gaze at the
Moon’s light streaming through
that window
Beckoning my music, my dreams, my goals,
my love.
Looking down at me and I wonder how
and why
The moon came to me through the window;
sometimes it
Was not only white; I’d seen light,
fluffy clouds pass by it.
Sometimes it had a peachy glow, sometimes,
an eerie haze covered it and once in a while,
As this nickel sized moon looked most
of the time,
At dusk, in the clear, way low in the
sky, it was enormous
Still don’t know why that happens.
To show it’s magnificent size?
Thoughts of other disturbing wonders
quickly replace my
Relaxing cuddles with a stir.
The time on my kitty clock reads 4:30
a.m.; I’m puzzled.
And I am still wrapped up……and
alone.
Not a nice awakening at the hour of
the morning………..
Alone in my chair.
The comfy chair has held me close this
night-------
And memories come creeping back that
this is not
The first sleep I’ve spent in
this chair, cuddling myself.
But they fade for now. I’m too groggy for thoughts.
At times, if I awaken at a time when
the moon has slipped
By me, I casually go and warm myself
in bed where I had
spent many more nights there than in
my chair.
I’d be cuddled and spooned and
body heat to warm me…..
Better than an old ragged blanket-----but
always there for me.
But not this lonely night.
No, this of several nights before, I’m
in my chilly bed…alone.
For half the slow moving minutes on
the clock for the night.
I awaken several times, whenever I vaguely
hear a car door close.
Is it him?
On these doubting nights, nights that
put lots of unpleasant
Thoughts running through my mind
I sleep ever so lightly, waiting in
fake sleep anticipation.
Unfortunately, the 4:30 closing of the
door is my other half.
One who had been warm, giggling, kissing
and hugging me
A long time ago.
We had funny, laughing times in that
bed……..and sex.
Why say unfortunately?
I know, 99% sure how his night was spent……..sometimes,
While I was in my chair, rocking rhythmically
so alone,
Imagining the whys, so sadly.
He would keep me warm till dreamland
and relaxation
Put the day’s happenings into
a jar marked “yesterday.”
Happy, joyous, funny days long ago………..
And they’re missed more than my
chair.
But these late nights as he crashes
into bed and I happen to
Be on my side, there’s no cuddling,
no kiss, no hug.
Sometimes, maybe, he’d manage
a “night, baby.”
Very rarely, though.
I believe…I know why these nights
distract, anger me, sadden
Me and I cry because I know the next
day, if I ask, he’ll lie
To me and sometimes becomes a little
“belligerent”…..more like
Guilt…..then again, perhaps no
guilt.
I lie there and cry.
From the other side, just snores of
smelly beer, booze, cigarettes
I head for the sofa, sometimes my comforting
chair instead.
Was it I who had not met what he wanted?
Maybe he should have asked first.
I don’t know if I’ll ever
comprehend the nights
When my chair rocked me off to slumber.
The chair has been replaced.
And he has left me and this world forever…..
Perchance gazing down from that shiny,
bright ‘ole moon.
In my dreams…….
Host Interview by Pat Sirni – (PatS): GRHostNanE
Will
you please tell us whom you have lost?
On April 2, 2003, my husband of 33 years, George,
died of lung cancer.
My dad died in 1996, friend Danny Lewin
in 911 attack, and all my aunt and uncles - in laws and grandparents
before that.
Where
do you live? Are
you originally from there?
I live in a suburb of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA,
in the same house for 35 years. Pittsburgh is where I was born, but Dad took us to Chicago
when I was 10, then to Phoenix when I was 14. I went to high school in Phoenix
Do
you have family living with you or nearby?
My only (unmarried) son lives in the DC area. Mom is 92 and in the Veterans Nursing
Home just across the river from me. She and Dad met during WWII and both served in the Navy.
My bachelor brother lives in another suburb of Pittsburgh,
and my sister and her husband and 10 dogs live in the Colorado
Rocky Mountains.
Are
you employed outside the home?
If so, what is it that you do?
I quit work when my husband became ill, so I consider
myself retired. I
worked as a library clerk, retail sales, receptionist, assembly
line, senior citizen lunch program coordinator, tested foreign
speaking people for English language classes, church, hospital
and school volunteer, nursing home volunteer, and various volunteer
community activities including flood relief in 2004.
Do
you have any hobbies?
Genealogy used to be my most time consuming hobby
- my files go back to 1600 and over 9000 names so far. Grandad was the youngest of 17 and grandma was one
of 14. I garden
a bit, read a bit, do plastic canvas flags for the nursing home,
but am only an arm chair sports participant, and I do a bit of
photography.
When
did you find Groww? How
long have you been hosting, and what rooms do you host?
I found Groww about 4 months after my husband died,
and very quickly became addicted to it. After several weeks with Marilyn as my mentor, on Tuesday,
February 15, 2005, I hosted solo in Grief Recovery
for the first time. Friday
nights at 10 pm I cohost with Cece in the widowed room.
What
advice would you give to those who are new to Groww?
Give yourself time - and I absolutely HATED to hear
that. Come to Groww
every day or evening as you are able to.
Get to know yourself and let those who have already been
there help you sort out your feelings and thoughts. There is no magic formula or guide book for getting through
the grief process. We
were all new once and it IS doable.
Do not be afraid to admit you need help getting through
this. Groww
is a wonderful place to vent, cry, share, and laugh. It is the first place I laughed out loud. Some need additional help in
the form of counseling and medications. There is no shame in admitting you cannot do it alone.
Do
you have any special memories of your friends from Groww? Have you ever attended a gathering,
or met Groww friends in person?
My first gathering was Michigan, 2004. I had an “escape” plan
in case I didn’t like the people or in case they didn’t
like me. What a waste of time and energy that
was. Cece is the
first person from Groww that I met in person and almost every
other person I met was beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Such love, warmth, comfort and compassion was almost overwhelming
- and the real, in-person hugs.
New Orleans, 2004 was my second gathering - where
I cried at the bus stop with other Groww friends. One of the widows I met in New Orleans stayed overnight
at my house with her three children during the Christmas holiday. How wonderful it was to have a house
full of voices of sharing and caring.
Michigan, 2005 was my third gathering, where I participated
in Jay and Sheila's wedding. Later this month I will meet with more Groww friends in
Panama City. I encourage
anyone to make every effort to attend a gathering.
One of my favorite quotes (anonymous) : "peace does not mean to
be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.
Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be
calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."
Obituary, GRHostBettyW:
It is with deep sadness that we share this with you.
Betty was a very dedicated Host and member of GROWW.
She will be missed tremendously by GROWW and the many people
who talked with her here at GROWW.
Betty Lou Wilson, 74, died Aug. 15, 2005, at St.
Lucie Medical Center in Port St. Lucie. She was born in Purcell, Okla., and lived in Port St. Lucie
for five years, coming from Crockett, Texas. She at tended Oklahoma
State University in Stillwater, Okla.
Before retirement, she was the owner/operator of Betty
Wilson Draperies in Deer Park, Texas, for 15 years. She was a member of Walton Road Baptist Church and GROWW,
a bereavement support group, both in Port St. Lucie. Survivors
include her daughter, Pamela Cenk of Port St. Lucie; brothers,
Ralph Parker, Bob Parker and Bill Parker, all of Tulsa, Okla.;
four grandchildren; and one great-grandchild. She was preceded in death by her husband, Llewellyn E. Wilson;
and son, Terry Lee Wilson. Memorial contributions may be made to Walton Road Baptist
Church, 2001 S.E. Walton Road, Port St. Lucie, FL 34952. SERVICES: A memorial service will be
at 1 p.m. Aug. 18 at Walton Road Baptist Church, with the Rev.
Steve Moore officiating. Burial will be in Parvin Cemetery in
Okeene, Okla. Local arrangements are by Byrd, Young & Prill
Port St. Lucie Funeral Home.
Published on TCPalm.com on 8/16/2005.
Recipe of the month:
Meatloaf
pre-heat oven to 350F
two lbs of beef
2 eggs
Ritz crackers
ketchup
tomato soup
onion
Take the meat a put it in a big bowl. Crack the two eggs in the bowl.
Take half a package and then some of the Ritz crackers
and crumble up and add. Swivel a little ketchup in the bowl
and cut up an onion and add it to the bowl. Now mix it all together. Add it to a loaf bowl and poke six holes in it with your
fingers so you can drain the fat off.
Set in oven covered with foil, not before slathering ketchup
all over the top. Drain
periodically, and bake for an hour and a half. 15 minutes before it's done, take the foil off.
It's yummy!
If you would like to submit a guest column, recipe, or poem for publication
in this newsletter, please send your submission to newsletter@groww.org
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