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GROWW E-Mail Newsletter |
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14 September 2003 |
Circulation:
611 |
Volume
1, Number 11 |
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Editor ·
Pat Sirni Associate Editor ·
Margot Hill Newsletter Staff ·
Angela Dyer ·
Lori Petersen GROWW Officers ·
Anne D’Ambrosio, Executive
Director GROWW Staff ·
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Pat Sirni, Grief Recovery Room Manager ·
Rachel Frank, Message Board Manager ·
Phil D’Ambrosio, Director
of Security |
Message from the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio September
is here, where has the time gone!
Time, that wonderful 4 letter work that we hate after the death of a
loved one, the same 4 letter word that will become our friend SOME DAY. Yes, it can get better if we choose to help
ourselves work through our grief. None
of us grieve the same way, and that is OK, no one has had the same exact loss,
we are all individuals and have to grieve our way. Below I listed the stages of grief, so many
know there are stages but can’t remember them. I don’t believe they happen in any special
order or that we all experience all of the stages. It’s a good thing to keep handy so you can
look at them and say, hmmm, I may be there now or OH that’s what I am going
through now. Grief is not
something you need to go through alone; we are here for you every day and
every night. Please visit and let us
hold your hand, we do understand that it doesn’t get better in a week, month
or year. We won’t tell you “get over
it”. We share that everyone must go
through grief to get through grief, the hardest job you will ever have. The Five
Stages of Grief 1) Denial, during this
stage you might have trouble acknowledging the fact that your loved one is
gone. You may find yourself looking for them in familiar places, or
expecting them to show up at the door. During this stage you may
not have the feelings of loss and sadness that will develop in later stages. 2) Anger, this is the stage
in which you will find yourself asking "why did this happen to me?"
You may looking around for something to blame or want something
to fight back against. 3) Bargaining, during
this stage people tend to find themselves begging,
wishing, or praying for their loved one to return. 4) Depression, this can
be the hardest stage of all and is often accompanied with sudden extreme
feelings of loss, hopelessness, and frustration. It is also common to
experience a lack of control over your surroundings, and a general sense of
numbness. 5) Acceptance, The first four
stages can be a viscous cycle of emotions that can trap you in a never-ending
circle of grief. Reaching acceptance is the gateway to closure.
As you gain acceptance you will once again treasure your memories and be able
to move on with your life. You are
not alone with these feelings. We will
walk the walk with you. Until next month, good grief. Anne Meet Your Host – GRHostRachel
GROWW Staff
member Rachel is our Message Board Manager, and webmistress.
Despite the challenges of these positions, she also spends many hours a week
hosting in both GriefRecovery and GROWWforWidowed chatrooms. Rachel lost
her husband suddenly to a heart attack at the scene of a car fire in November
1998. He was a deputy chief in the
local volunteer fire department. Rachel continues to volunteer for that
department. Born in Since finding
GROWW in May 1999, Rachel has become a true friend to many of us, and we are
blessed to call her our friend. We admire her strength, and have learned much
from her as she has helped us walk through the path of our grief. Rachel
regularly attends GROWW gatherings so many people have been lucky enough to
meet her in person and to share real life hugs. Rachel credits
GROWW for helping her, for showing her that it is ok to laugh again and that
it is possible to find a new happiness in life. Her recommendation to those new to grief is
that they "be gentle on themselves, and allow time to grieve and to
heal". Message from the Director of Branches - It's the middle of September and soon in many
areas the trees will be changing their colors to beautiful fall red, orange,
and yellow. For those who don't get to experience this you are truly
missing something beautiful. I look at the colors changing and I think
how can it possibly relate to death. There are
many colors as in death there are many changes inside us. Think
about going to a place like Home Depot and all the paint chips you can pick
up. Ask yourself three questions. What color was
I when I learned of the death of my loved one? What color am
I now? What color do I hope to be in my future? Can I really
come from behind my mask? You know as well as I do that we wear masks
all the time to hide how we are really feeling. WELL let me tell you at
GROWW there are no masks necessary. No matter your loss, we understand
that death is final and while your pain is unique to you we have all experienced
death. I recently sent an email to all our room managers
asking if they would like me to highlight their room. Well I got a few
responses and this month I would like to mention our Tender Angels Chatroom. Tender Angels is for our widowed
and significant other under 50 years of age. Tender Angels is
currently hosted twice a week on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings from Until next month, think about your colors. Guest
Column – Growing Through Grief Growing
Through Grief The natural
healing process of grief occurs when someone close to you dies. Grief will affect you both physically and
emotionally and will require your active participation to work through it. As
you experience the hurt that comes with loss, it is important to remember
that you are engaged in a healing process that will gradually lead from
anguish to new hope for the future. Participating
in the Healing Process The passing of
time helps to ease the pain of grief.
However, time alone is not enough.
Your active participation in the healing process is required for the
healthy resolution of your loss. You will experience this process in your own
way and in a time frame that is unique to you. While a death experience can have strong
and lasting effects, your grief need not disable you forever. By drawing on inner resources, personal
creativity, and supportive relationships; you allow the natural healing process
to take place. You can choose from a variety of coping
strategies, some of which are more conducive to healing than others. Take time to evaluate the choices you are
making. Strategies
That Promote Healing Crying;
Talking and sharing ; Meditation and prayer ; Staying busy ; Attending support
groups ; Structuring your time ; Keeping a journal ; Using relaxation
techniques ; Affirming spiritual beliefs ; Humor ; Respecting your own needs
; Listening to music ; Reading ; Travel ; Exercising regularly ; Pampering
yourself Strategies That
Hinder Healing Using alcohol
and drugs ; Avoiding all reminders of your loved one ; Oversleeping ;
Overeating ; Smoking ; Pretending all is fine ; Overspending ; Refusing to
make necessary changes ; Isolating yourself ; Focusing on suicide ; Neglecting
health needs ; Carelessness ; Overactivity ;
Pushing past limits ; Overidealizing the deceased
person ; Spoiling current relationships with family members and friends Borrowed from
Hospice by the Sea Newsletter #1 Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio I worked for a Power Company on Electrical power is a little bit
like the air you breathe, you don't really think about it until it is
missing, just as the folks in NYC, I lived in a section of Nick
was standing outside with a flashlight and a box of Glass fuses. As I got
closer he asked me if I could change a fuse for him in the basement. For me
this was nothing new since all the tenements had the old fuses and I was
changing them all the time in our own apartment. Nick used a cane to get
around and trying to get down those steps into the basement would have been
dangerous, especially in I took the fuses and the flashlight
and went down the basement to the fuse panel. I found a fuse that looked bad
and screwed it out. I screwed a new one in its place and started toward the
stairs when the two lights in the basement went out. I headed back to the
panel to check the fuses again but they all looked good. As I came out of the basement I
froze on the top step. I looked up and down I came
flying into the apartment, where my mother already had the place candle lit,
and slammed the door behind me. Of course knowing me like she does the first
words out of her mouth was “What did you do now”? This really happened, it was just an incredible
coincidence, I think. See ya next month. Ciao |
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GROWW, INC.© Judy Divers 501(c)(3) Non-Profit EIN: 59-3445877 |
From the Book Nook Every once in a
while I receive books or emails from people asking if we could add them to
our Library. As many of you know our Library is pretty extensive. Since
I have 2 new listings I have asked the Newsletter to add a new category to
our Newsletter. I will include any information that I receive. I
encourage you all to take a look at the websites. At times I do receive
complementary copies to read and review. I will then loan the book out to
anyone who would like to borrow it. All, I ask is that you keep it in
circulation or return it to me so I can send it on to the next person. I have received a book called
"The Light of Stars" written by Phyllis Glowatsky.
She lost her Dad when she was 2 and this book is a very simply written book
for children, to try to explain the circle of life and death. You can
read more about it at www.light-of-stars.com I have
read the book and thought Joey would have liked that after Michael died (he
was 5 then) Please take a look at the website, there is also a link on
the site to make a purchase. I received an email From Sandra Schocket, who has written a book. I do not have a
copy of this one so I can't share my thoughts on it. Here is the letter
that she sent to GROWW recently" "In 1994, my husband and son
died suddenly within 24 hours. A few
years later, in response to many inquiries as to how I survived this tragedy, I started to
write a book about multiple loss. When I tried to find a definition of
multiple loss from researching the literature and in
speaking with professionals who worked with victims of multiple loss, I
learned that no such definition existed.
While searching the Web in early 1999, I came upon GROWW. It was as if a door opened and someone
invited me in. Here were people who understood
grief and many who had losses similar to mine. I wrote to Judy Divers in February, 1999 to ask if I could post
a message on the GROWW website telling readers that I was writing a book
about multiple loss and asking them to respond with
their stories. At that time, GROWW had
no such message board but Judy created the opportunity for me and I was
extremely grateful. After posting my
message, I received more than 25 responses from GROWW visitors within a few
weeks. They all urged me to tell their
story. I learned from these responses that “multiple loss”
has no definition because everyone sees it differently. I heard from people whose losses had
occurred over 20 years. Some included
immediate family, some included friends as well. One woman included a pet. Several appear in
the book with their names changed. I believe that my book says something new
about multiple loss and the way that grieving
individuals process sorrow. I was
terribly sorry to learn that Judy herself died within the year and I sent a
donation to GROWW in her memory. My book, My Life Closed
Twice: Surviving a Double Loss has
recently been published. A woman whose
son died of AIDS wrote to tell me that it was the most helpful bereavement
book she has read since her son died.
Other comments have been equally positive. The book is published by BWD Publishing,
LLC in If you are interested in this book, please feel free to email me
at AnneGD@GROWW.org
and I can email you a copy of the order form that she email me or you can
write to Sandra @ sschocket@worldnet.att.net Do you
have a favorite book you would like to share with your friends here. If so, please send me an email and maybe you
can write a brief review of it for the newsletter. Recipes From Members Crumb Cake 1/4 cup
margarine 1 tsp baking
powder 1 cup
sugar 1/2 tsp
vanilla 2 eggs 1- 1/2 cups of
flour 1/2 cup of
milk Mix & sift
flour & baking powder. Cream together butter & sugar, adding in the
eggs, milk & flour, then the vanilla. Pour into a well greased 13x9x2
pan.
Crumb Topping 1 cup of
flour 1 cup of
sugar 1/2
margarine 2 tsp of
cinnamon Mix all together thoroughly, by beater or
by hand. Evenly distribute it over the cake. Bake in a 350 pre heated oven. Cooking
time 30 Mins. Note* after the cake is cool I like to put
powdered sugar over the cake. This is a great cake for crumb cake
lovers...ENJOY! Recipe from.... Doris
Hollingsworth. If you would
like to submit a recipe for publication in this newsletter, please send your
submission to newsletter@groww.org To unsubscribe to this email click reply with
UNSUBSCRIBE in the Subject Line. For
questions about this Newsletter or to submit an article, email newsletter@groww.org
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