| Message
from the Executive Director - Anne D’Ambrosio
I don’t normally do this; but the devastation of Hurricane Katrina
has hit close to home - my GROWW home. I have sent this out to
many of my friends and family. Do you know someone who might need
your help? Do you know one person whom you might be able to help?
Think about it. Let’s keep all of the victims in our thoughts
and prayers.
((((((((((((((((( Family & Friends)))))))))))))))
I have a dear friend who has lost everything from Hurricane Katrina.
She got in her old rickety car and prayed she would make it out
before it hit. She did. She spent 15 hours getting out of New
Orleans and into Alabama. She grabbed a few clothes and some special
remembrances of her husband, who died 3 years ago in August. She
is now a widow who is also homeless and jobless.
I never would ask for help, and she is one proud and stubborn
woman. She has no family living in the US. She has one son, who
just finished a tour in Iraq; and he is now stationed in Germany.
I have met her several times, as we met through our internet bereavement
group GROWW. She has a heart as big as can be, and even hosted
2 gatherings in New Orleans for the widowed members of GROWW.
She could never afford to go to one, so she planned them there.
I was lucky to go to the 2 gatherings that she had there in the
past 2 years. She worked with disabled and retarded adults. They
zapped all her strength and energy, so she hadn't been able to
come to chat very often in the past year. She felt so bad that
she was so tired and couldn't find a decent hotel for a gathering
this year - possibly a sign from above or whatever you believe
in. Many widowed would have sent deposits and booked flights by
now. It was cancelled in August because she knew she wouldn't
be able to pull it together in time for October.
Many of the friends I have made through GROWW have gigantic hearts.
One of them had her go to her house for a few days, and now she
has moved into another friends apartment in Florida until she
can get back on her feet. This other friend moved in with another
friend so the women affected by Katrina could have some peace
and space. I think she is still in shock. She said she never thought
anything could be as bad as losing her husband, being homeless
and jobless is running a very close second.
She has applied to FEMA, unemployment, her insurance company,
and the Red Cross. I normally would have given to the Red Cross,
but I know in my heart whatever I can do to help one person DOES
make a difference in this world. I have chosen her as my donation
to try to help her get through this tough period. She will probably
stay in Florida since there is no reason to go back to New Orleans
even when she can.
When her son was in Iraq, several of us sent him care packages.
We put little notes in it. He was so grateful and so was she.
She couldn't believe that people could be so kind and generous,
and it made lots of us feel really good.
If you would like to help my friend with a gift card, cash, a
care package of essential items we all need, or just a simple
card to keep her laughing; please let me know and I will give
you the information. I know many people are strapped at this time
and cannot make a monetary contribution. So for those of you who
cannot, all I ask is to keep her and ALL of the displaced people
of Louisiana and Mississippi in your thoughts and prayers.
On another note, there is an article in the September 2005 SELF
Magazine from a woman who lost her husband in the 9/11 tragedy
about a wonderful memorial she created for her husband. I thought
it was fascinating and might give some of you some unique ideas
about different types of memorials you can make. It just may get
your thoughts flowing.
Until next month,
Good Grief
(((((((((((((((((( Anne ))))))))))))))))
Message from the Director of Branches - Libby Morningstar
It's the middle of September, and soon in many areas the trees
will be changing their colors to beautiful fall red, orange, and
yellow. For those who don't get to experience this, you are truly
missing something beautiful. I look at the colors changing and
I think how can this possibly relate to death. There are many
colors in death as there are many changes inside us. Think about
going to a place like Home Depot and all the paint chips you can
pick up. Ask yourself three questions: What color was I when I
learned of the death of my loved one? What color am I now? What
color do I hope to be in my future? This can be a very profound
way of actually thinking about your feelings and not even realizing
it.
Can I really come from behind my mask? You know as well as I
do that we wear masks all the time to hide how we are really feeling.
Well let me tell you at GROWW there are no masks necessary. No
matter your loss, we understand that death is final and while
your pain is unique to you, we have all experienced death.
Remember GROWW is your special place to come. Isn’t it nice to
know you have a special place when it seems no one understands?
I know from a personal side, fall is the changing into winter;
and it makes me sad. I tend to want to just run somewhere, and
I don’t really care where too much. I am always blessed that I
have GROWW to run to. I know my friends are here to listen, to
support and to give me a hug.
Until next month take care of YOU!
Libby
Phil’s Corner - Phil D’Ambrosio
Hi Guyz. As I am pondering what insignificant information I could
babble about here, I am watching a commercial with Lee Iacocca
and Snoop Doggy Dog. They are playing golf, and snoop is telling
Lee what he thinks about the new Chrysler products in izzle, which
is kind of a “rap Latin” suffix as in fa’shizzle, which means
“for sure.” This is just one of many over used and abused words
that I found on this wonderful media called the net. Oh media,
by the way, is also on that list. Flip-Flop, Flip-Flopper, Flip-Flopping:
It doesn't matter how you say it or to whom, flip-flops belong
at the beach, not in a political dialogue. Battleground State:
During an election, every state is a battleground. "...And
I approve this message." This phrase that was included in
every political ad received the most nominations of the words
and phrases that came out of the presidential election. Here's
a question to ponder: Would candidates approve a message with
which they disagreed? Pockets of Resistance: As one nominee put
it: It sounds like someone having trouble pulling their hands
out of their pants' pockets. Enemy Combatant: Do we have friendly
combatants? Neutral combatants? Or how about enemy bystanders?
Carbs: It used to mean carburetor. Now it's something you count,
eat, avoid eating, feel guilty for eating, and eventually ignore.
Then it becomes a carburetor again. You're Fired!: If we mere
mortals say the words made famous by Donald Trump, is it a trademark
infringement? Wardrobe Malfunction: The phrase Justin Timberlake
created to describe Janet Jackson's Super Bowl mishap is sure
to become this generation's Watergate, to be applied in all sorts
of situations. Body Wash: Also known as soap. Safe and affective:
Try the new, clinically proven, safe and effective wonder drug
you never knew you needed…ya know what gimme the one that ya haven’t
tested yet. I always wondered what it would be like to grow another
extremity. Safe and effective should not be a selling point: it
should be an FDA requirement. And last but not least every red-blooded
man’s favorite, Erectile Dysfunction: Do we need to hear about
it daily on TV and radio, even on racecars? I don’t think so.
Lets add: metrosexual, X (as in X-Files, Xtreme, Generation X),
punked, place stamp here, companion animals, bling or bling-bling,
LOL, smoking gun, shock and awe, captured alive, shots rang out,
ripped from the headlines, sweat like a pig, in harm's way, handcrafted
latte, and my personal favorite: sanitary landfill. OK, now I’m
done, but I’m sure there are one or two I might have missed. But
due to time restraints and procrastination these will have to
suffice. See ya next month….
Guest Column submitted by Dani Malinda Gregg:
I recently did a review for a book (non Fiction) that will be
coming out in October through Whiskey Creek Press. The author's
name is Katlyn Stewart, and the book is titled: Song Of Cy: Understanding
Grief.
I wanted to give you a heads up about this book. The author is
candid, has done much research and is empathetic towards those
that grieve. She does so after the loss of her daughter. I am
enclosing the synopsis she sent me regarding the book as well
as the link she provided for the book.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Song Of Cy: Understanding Grief
Publication: October 2005
Whiskey Creek Press
Paperback ISBN# 1-59374-349-1
Through Tragedy Comes Understanding-
Once again Ms. Stewart delivers a book that is quite poignant
in nature. Her prior non-Fiction, Nightmares Echo has been a great
deal of help to those that have suffered from different forms
of abuse. Now she presents to us Song Of Cy: Understanding Grief.
This is a book that should be on the bookshelf of every household.
For everyone at some point in their lives will deal with the devastation
of losing someone so near and dear to their hearts. Ms. Stewart
lost her beloved daughter, rather than hide behind the shroud
of
pain and fall into the depths of depression, she has reached
out to the reading community with a book that helps explain the
maze of thoughts and feelings the grieving individual goes through.
From Fathers and Mothers, to Sisters and Brothers, Spouses and
Friends, she lends support and understanding for each of them.
She also honors her daughter’s life with a short memoir, one in
which I found myself in tears feeling the emotion and love that
shines through this book. Through what I am sure was a painful
period in her life, she offers statistics such as the percentage
of marriages that will fail after a loss, the different forms
of depression, as well as more tramatic illnesses such as Post
Tramatic Stress disorder. Though I am not a major reviewer by
any means, I have reviewed many books and have lost a dear loved
one as well.
How I wish Ms. Stewart's book had been there beside me during
the difficult time and the terrifying grief that I felt. I highly
recommend this book. It is an eye opener, emotional, and full
of research that will help anyone dealing with loss; or someone
trying desperately to find the words to help a friend/family member
they love find the long pathway through loss.
Dani Brown
Books,Books and More Books
North Port Florida
Poetry by Members (submitted by Melissa Freestone):
My short poem to Micheal
When I wake in a panic and turn to grasp you-------Pillow: Nothing
more.
When I drive down the road and reach for your hand--------Seat:
Nothing more.
When I hear a sweet voice singing to me----------Radio: nothing
more.
When I sit down to dine and glance over to you----------Chair:
Nothing more.
When look up to beg God for answers----------Life my child: Nothing
more.
Host Interview by Pat Sirni – (PatS): GRHost GailP
I spent the majority of my childhood in Montana and then attended
and graduated from Montana State University. In 1997, I decided
that I needed a change in my life. My best friend from college
had moved to Houston, Texas, and had been trying to talk me into
moving to Houston for almost 4 years. One day I finally decided
that Houston was were I was going to make that change. Houston
is a huge difference compared to Montana, but moving here was
one of the best decisions I have ever made. Probably the best
reason for moving here was that in the beginning of my dad’s fight
with cancer he had a tumor in his liver that could only be operated
on in one of two cities: LA and Houston. Farther into his fight
with cancer, he came to Houston for experimental drugs. During
this time, I was able to have my dad stay with me, and be with
him while he received treatments. I cherish those days that I
got to spend with my Dad even though he was so sick, but he actually
got to see me build a house and do things in my house before he
passed away. As a matter of fact, I just received a gift from
my Dad a couple weeks ago. He had started a stained glass window
for my study but was unable to finish it himself, so he had asked
his neighbor to finish it for him. It is one of my most treasured
possessions.
The other reason that moving to Houston was such a good move
for me was that I got a job working as a systems administrator
for a legal placement agency. At times I could scream at my job,
but for the most part I love it. My boss has a wonderful heart
and allowed me all the time I needed to be away to be with my
Dad when he was dying from cancer. I missed over 9 weeks of work
that year and he never said a word...except...go and be with your
Dad.
I have two babies: pomeranian pups named Dusty and Chelsey. They
are very spoiled but know they are loved. My weekends include
playing with my pups, working in my yard and rose garden (I have
a rose bush planted especially for my dad), spending time with
my niece and nephew, and talking on the phone and on the computer
with my best friend. I also enjoy reading, taking pictures, &
watching old western movies. I used to spend a ton of time in
GROWW, but with the coming of spring this year and the planting
of my rose garden I find myself outside on the weekends more than
in GROWW. I still come into GROWW on the weekends other than during
my scheduled hosting times, sometimes to just listen and others
to hopefully to give back to someone the way the other hosts did
when I first came to GROWW.
I lost my dad to colon cancer December, 2003 and my grandma November,
2004. GROWW has definitely helped me to survive losing my dad
and then losing my grandma 11 months later. I could have sworn
I was losing my mind when I first found GROWW. The advice and
the suggestion of things to do in honor of my loved ones was a
tremendous help. Just hearing that the things I was going through
were normal and that it was all a part of grief helped so much.
I can still remember the first time I laughed; it was in GROWW,
and I felt horrible for laughing. But that was, I believe, my
first step towards learning to cope with my loss.
I have been a host in Grief Recovery and Guiding Angels for 9
months. I thought it was fitting that I began hosting on my dad’s
one year anniversary. My best advice for someone facing grief
is to try not to control grief. You have to live through it and
have to feel the pain. There is no way around it - only through
it, and the more you try to control your feelings and emotions
the more out of control they can feel.
Recipe of the month:
Angel Food Cookies
1 c. Crisco or other solid shortening
1/4-1/2 c. granulated sugar
1/4 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 egg
2 c. all-purpose flour
1 tsp. cream of tartar
1 c. coconut
Mix shortening and sugar until creamy; add egg.
Sift all dry ingredients together. Add to shortening mixture.
Roll dough into small balls and dip into water, then into brown
sugar. Put on cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes.
Yields 4 dozen
If you would like to submit a guest column, recipe, or poem for
publication in this newsletter, please send your submission to
newsletter@groww.org
|
