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"When I was facing the loss of my husband to cancer,
there was nothing that could have prepared me for the excruciating
pain of losing him. The physical pain he went through was ended
and mine was just beginning. And it IS a physical pain that consumes
your every being. The loss of the will to live, the loss of functioning
in a day to day world when the wonder of why the world could go
on when my whole world was taken from me. How could people look
at me and not see that pain that crushed my chest, the gut wrenching
sounds that came from somewhere deep inside me yet didn't even sound
like me, the cries of my very soul struggling to stay alive?"
These
are some of the words you can find in "GROWW - The
Journey" by GROWW's founder, Judy Divers.
Bill
died on September 5, 1992. They had hoped he might live a little
longer so that they could celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary
in December.
Like
most who lose someone important, Judy spent many months in pain,
in bewilderment, in disbelief. Her life was turned upside down and
although she was blessed with four boys and grandchildren, life
was not joyful.
Judy
happened upon the Internet in 1994, on America on Line (AOL).
She learned that some widowed people met in a private chat room
once a week. She immediately saw how beneficial and comforting meeting
with other widowed was and almost immediately found her new mission
in life.
At
first, the group numbered a little more than a dozen.
It
was not too long before Judy decided that something as wonderful
as this camaraderie needed to be shared, needed structure, needed
direction. In a manner befitting a battle general, Judy began a
personal campaign with AOL. She began a torrent of letters
to AOL management to open up a section for the Widowed.
Finally
AOL acquiesced and allowed Judy to begin an open chat room
and a bereavement message board community. Judy took on the enormous
task of training hosts and producing a weekly newsletter - and STILL
taking "duty" slots as a Host in the newly formed Widows and
Widowers chat room. Her stamina and determination were unmatched.
Eighteen and twenty hour workdays were not uncommon. Judy thrived
on her mission - caring and sharing.
The
chat room flourished. People flocked to the room and were astonished
to find conversation so totally different from other chat rooms.
No cursing, no queries as to age or sex, parentheses indicating
hugs crossed the page like real greetings and offers of support
(((((((((((((((ROOM)))))))))))))) - chat rooms had taken on a new
characteristic and purpose.
Judy
took her mission further, too. Although visitors to the rooms were
widowed, she could see the pain in the rest of the family too. While
she fully understood the pain of losing her husband, she saw the
need for the pain of others; for the kids who lost parents, parents
who lost kids. And so Judy began other "communities", WWAngels
for loss of child, for instance.
Judy
also initiated a new experience - the Gathering. People from all
over the country were communicating and bonding on line; people
with the same pain; like experience. Along with her very first online
contact, "HeadLimey" and others, Judy instigated the first gathering.
More than 40 "roomies" met in Memphis Tennessee in 1995 and the
ubiquitous parentheses became real hugs. Faces were assigned to
screen names. And the electronic bonds formed took on the "reality"
of flesh - a truly therapeutic experience.
Soon
gatherings were planned all over the country.
In
late 1996, the Internet was changing. AOL announced flat rate monthly
pricing. New policies and procedures were put into place. The changes
would not allow for the integrity and viability of the kind of community
Judy was building. Although she had just been offered a contract
as an official paid position of Community Team Leader for the group
she had so professionally put together, Judy had to resign. She
explained her resignation in an email to the community and was summarily
stripped of her AOL privileges and Screen Name. It was a sad period
of time and quite frustrating for a woman whose only intention was
to help others.
Judy's
core group of supporters continued to meet in AOL Private Chat Rooms
with names like WWJudy and Grief Recovery.
All
the while, Judy continued to chart her dream. During a gathering
in Orlando, Florida, in February 1997, Judy held a meeting at her
apartment with trusted friends and outlined her plan.
Suitably
equipped with superior communications skills, the fastest backspace
key in the world, an uncanny "sense" of what was going on, an
unparalleled sense of humor, Judy's greatest characteristic however,
was her compassion - a heart as big as the Internet itself.
The
rest is history. GROWW was incorporated as a nonprofit organization
in April 1997. The site was inaugurated in September and the chat
rooms opened in January 1998.
Judy
worked feverishly to lay the foundation and organization of GROWW
with an incredible combination of determination and compassion
Tens
of thousands of visitors have found the solace and comfort of GROWW,
which was Judy's dream.
Anyone
is welcome to take advantage of the benefits of GROWW, the
caring, the sharing, the healing.
All
because of a lady for whom the phrase must have had in mind … "ordinary
people doing extraordinary things" ….. this was Judy Divers.
There
will ALWAYS be a JudyDivers@GROWW.org
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